wateva!

seriously, i wish i can just get it out from you..fine..if you know that you're no making any effort, so be it..if you dun wanna stay, tell me straight..i haf other things to worry abt..like my exams..so stop being the selfish bastard that you call yourself to be and for once, spare a tot for me..yes, you mite be sick and tired of resolving things in your past relationships..but that's in your past..that doesn't concern me at all..dun you think it's unfair? just bcz previously, you've done a lot, you're not doing anything now? yes, i mite not be saying it out straight to you..instead leaving you hints thru my msn nick..thru my friendster updates..coz why? i'm not prepared yet..you haf that surgery thing and i tot tt maybe i'd be of some help..i just wanted you to be aware..n i'm too preoccupied preparing for my prelims to talk to you abt it..coz everytime, we talk, you're too tired and wat not..yes, it's not as if you intentionally bcum tired..but it's so hard to get hold of you..u can't even spare me 5 minuted of your time? am i not part of your life anymore? it seems tt way huh? then, wat's the pt of staying? i dun wanna be holding on to something tt not's there or not already mine to begin with..you yourself saif that it's not gg anywhere..AARGH!!!!! be nicer when you talk..yes, i noe tt you mite not be happy and wat not, but..oh well..i can't seem to find the words to say anymore..we're drifting do you know tt? i give up..i dunno wat to do..you're not even thinking so you're leaving me on my own to think of a way out..oh thx yeah..

i'm dying..!!

i'm confused..dunno why!

n i'm tired..tired of everything..

"i'm the mess you chose, the closet you can't close"..interpretation anyone?

grrr..

meeting him later today in town..

sanah says my blog entries on friendster very the blatant..but he neva say anything eh..oh well..

i'm easily annoyed and irritated nowadays..dunno why..

oh well..couldn't sleep last nite..woke up super early..

i left the pic tt i took with him on the My Doc folder in my sis comp..i'm sooooo dead..

insecure..

i'm feeling insecure..super insecure..i don't know why..he talks to me abt other girls..i don't know whether it means anything..

1) a girl that's like hardcore metal fanatic came up to him during lunch and talked to him. asked him abt the t-shirt that he was wearing etc.
his response => "too bad she has piercinga everywhere..if not, i'd really find her hot..i would like to talk to her someday and find out how fierce she can be.."

2) he got to know this portugese+british+javanese mix gurl that was involved in the fashion show or modelling thingy in his sch..but she's malay tho..
his response=> "yeah, she's pretty..and nobody would even think that she's malay..very fair and pretty gurl she is.."

so wat am i supposed to say you tell me? a part of me feels that at least i know rather than he do things behind my back. but the things that he said..hello mister, you're attached! he doesn't wanna noe abt my guy FRENZ and he's telling me abt girls that he barely knew!

why am i feeling this way?

i just realised that we're really from two diff background..and this always had to happen to me rite..afiq then, and now him..somebody please help me!!!!!

i wish..

-you would confide in me
-i know wat you're thinking
-i noe wat you want exactly out of me
-you could stop distancing yourself away from me



i just wish that things will be just like the old days..

i miss you..

i wish you knew..

=ngek=

uh-huh..din meet up with him..but then..izzit my fault? oh well..i dun noe..i dun care..i can't be bothered..i dunno why..i'm just like, resigned to my fate or something..not being bothered..oh well, but he did msg me yesterday..ngek..

n his friendster photos..oh well..wateva..

im running away from home people! unexpected.yeah..i noe..but wat to do rite..

hehe..nolah..i moving in to my sis' place for the week..my dad outstation rite..i said it before..yupz..

so drained..just feel like letting go everything..

=no comments=

hmm..my dad's gg off tml..outstation..for the first time seh..and my ma's following..the woman behind all his success..hehe..admire them so much..as in, everywhere they go, always together..hmmm..not bad..love you mum n dad! and tt means i haf to slp over at kak ninin's hse from tml onwards..packing my bag tonight..so gg to sch tml with like super humongous bags that kind..so the leceh..go sch from sengkang eh..geez..tt's something new..hmm..staying there all the way until next week..dunno wen they coming back..dunno where they gg..i'm such an ignorant kid..*nods head*

today's my 2nd mth anniversary..not even sure whether will be able to meet up with him or not..haiz..

"nitez..hapi ani..alto its not reli a happy 1.." evaluation anyone?

got to check cca record today during assembly..you know all the pearls stuff and all..after so many years(hehe.), nothing i did in mlcs is like taken note of lah..nothing eh inside..goodness..haiz~ cikgu ah..really you know..tsk tsk..grr..

my limit is getting lower and lower by the day...tend to get annoyed and irritated by the slightest things..haiz~

prelims is next week!!! goodness gracious..

i'm hungry..=(

ramly's burger yest was..hmm..a bit bleaghx? yupz..

describes the situation well?

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you say, do you say what you mean?
I want our love to last forever
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

.:: thoughts ::.

i really dunno..tml's our 2nd month anniversary..are we even celebrating it? only he knows..how i wish he wud say something..shud i do something for tml? i'm not sure..

i'm feeling guilty..i shouldn't be doing things that i shouldn't be doing..haiz~

my house stinks! of jackfruit..yikes! headache man..

prelims 7 days to go..and counting..am i prepared? you think eh..

bad start to the day today..woke up late..left the house..was super close to cabbing to sch..but wait till money falls from the sky..then we think..

will he msg or call me if i dun? i wonder..din wish him good morning..let's see how the day go..

i wish i knew

How will I know if he really loves me
I say a prayer with every heart beat
I fall in love whenever we meet
I'm asking you what you know about these things
How will I know if he's thinking of me
I try to phone but I'm too shy (can't speak)
Falling in love is all bitter sweet
This love is strong why do I feel weak

i wish i knew..i dunno wat's happening..it feels diff..really diff..even though it felt nice to be in your arms that day but after that, it's all gone..wat's happening? i guess you need time to figure out wat you want..and at this point of time, i know things are hard for you..dun worry..i'll always be there for you..but how i wish you'd at least acknowledge..i look arnd and see other couples happy..it makes me wonder why are we like this now? why can't you just put it past you? haiz~ i miss you darl..but will you ever noe? wen was the last time you told me you loved me? when was the last time you told me that you missed me? it must be ages ago coz i can't even remember..maybe like wat 3wks ago? a month ago? i dunno..it doesn't even feel like i'm talking to my darl when i talk to you..it's so hard to get a msg or a phonecall from you nowadays..n you were speaking so sweetly on the phone that day n was trying so hard not to let me hear..i wonder who was on the other line..my thoughts are like flying all over the place..i guess the feeling that you once had for me is disappearing day by day..izzit true darl?

i wish i knew...

why? why? why?

why must this happen? why must he say all those things? why must he mak me feel this way? as in, he doesn't say who exactly the person is but i just felt it..and furthermore, he told me not to read it..or maybe, i'm just thinking too much..perhaps huh..oh well..but nah, even if anything were to happen to me n moomoo, wun do anything..nah, dun wan history to repeat itself..had enuf of it..even tho..nvm..shall just keep it to myself..oh well..^shrug^ hope that you'll find 'her' someday yeah..coz i noe you will..=)

a conversation that can make or break..

i dunno wat's happening now..it's either make or break..

...

went to meet up with him yesterday..and i'm glad that things were okie..but, there's something missing..nah, shall not think abt it..and i think at times, i think too much..

oh, i think i'm a super jealous gf..hehe..so i'm a green-eyed monster too, so to speak..hehe..

"oh, i have many photos..with other girls.." hmmm...?

my dad's most probably gg for outstation..and my ma's following..i tot i cud be alone at home for that week..but noooo...they insist on me staying with my eldest sis..can you imagine gg to sch from sengkang? wat time i haf to wake up seh..must be in sch at least by 7.15am..from her house to interchange takes abt wat 20mins(including waiting time)? from interchange to sch takes abt wat 30mins(including waiting time) maybe? so that means, i have to leave the house by 6.25am..hmm..and i take 30mins to bathe, 15 mins to get ready..so i have to wake up by..ceh, normal time..hahakz..i tot how early lah..hehe..must be quite exciting ah..i wonder how my allowance will be like then..hehe..

can't wait to go to jakarta in nov..hehe..miss all of them..wonder how ayu's doing..hmmm..

dunno wat's wrong with me these past few days..short circuit i think..

hp bill=$104

i wish i knew

i wish i knew what's gg thru in your head rite now..i wish i knew..i wish i knew what i can do to make things beta..things dun feel the same anymore n i noe you're feeling it too..i dun want things to continue being awkward..i want the good old times that we had before all this quarrel started..izzit impossible to ask for? i miss you..do you know tat? i wonder if you miss me too..oh well..can't wait to see you later then..till then, i hope that things will turn out for the better..linking arms and walking hand-in-hand..just like before..

hmm..dunno what i shud be feeling rite now..

he read the blog entry that i published on friendster..the thing is, i dunno what his reaction to that is..do you think he's angry for what i wrote? as in, that's wat i really feel..since i can't tell him verbally, that seems to be the way out..we din even talk on the phone last nite..just called, told him to get some sleep and there he goes, straight into Lala Land..

i miss him..i really do..but does he? ~

why must things always turn out that way..stress..

bought so many things..haf so many ideas..can't wait to get started..just got the photo from ian just now..so excited..

i think every month i will be making my way to spotlite..hahaks..sand in a bottle..here i come!!!

ain't the same

i dunno..ever since that day, things just dun feel the same anymore..dripping with sarcasms..everything that i say seem to be sooo wrong..i dunno what's happening..must it turn out this way?

i'm no perfect girl you know..you can't expect too much out of me..i haf so many flaws that i dun think you know of..

and the insecurity in my is back again ever since that incident..i dunno why..

feels like something's lacking..

oh well..

dunno wat's happening..i hope that things are turning out for the better..but some things just cant be taken back..some words are just too hurtful to forget..but wateva it is, i'll love you always..

had a nice conversation with the person last nite..hahaks..super funny..cannot take it..boleh jadi giler bobal ngan dier..but such a waste that we had this conversation now..if only it was way before..*blush*blush*

but yeah, i shouldn't even be feeling this way..guilty of it..

at the point of giving up..

ayu! saya kangan sama kamu sih..harap kamu baik2 saja ya..nggak sabar utk ke jakarta nov nanti..hehe..

nothing much

trying to find something to blog about actually..but nothing seems to be coming to my head..haish..oh well..i guess the holidays coming..so many things happening at the same time..i wonder whether i'll even haf time for him as he's having holidays too..but it's ok..i can bring ayu to go shopping and wat not..hehe..i'm super duper excited actually..hehe..but the thing is, i dunno wat to get for her..i was thinking of making for her choc centred muffins or something..hehe..

hmm..people haf been asking me so wat did he gif you..well, it's ok you know..it doesn't matter..

2nd month..i was thinking of making the coloured sand/salt thingy in a bottle..i shall make one, not buy one..he find it nice when he saw it at the 2dollar shop at IMM..izzit called dario or something? hahakz..

glad that everything's ok..=)

=)

wee! he bought for me a pencil box..hehe..

.:: hope for the best ::.

i hope that things will turn out for the better..hopefully yeah..

now i noe how much time means to me..even though it was a short time..must learn to treasure it..be it 30mins or 3 hours, it's super valuable..

miss my lembu aka badut..hehe..(^-^)

i lurve the indon peeps..such nice people..can't wait for ayu to have the homestay at my house..so exciting..and the best part, i think my sis asking my ma cooking steamboat..tt'll be nice..hehe..rite?

some people..i just can't understand..or maybe, i'm just being too critical..or hypocritical more likely..yikes..

on cloud nine

he liked my prezzie..yay!

i'm sweating like a donkey..bleaghx..

the indon students are here..nice people..but such a waste coz my buddy doesn't follow me..as in doesn't follow my lessons..wth..

haish..kinda sending her back today..then can't meet my darl..so much complications..geez..

sometimes i feel left out..wth..i noe nothing..n i din seem to be part of it..bleaghx..so i'll just stand there and clap my hands..tt's how i feel..but for her sake, i shouldn't even bother..yupz..

...

finally baked the cookies.wanted to the day before yesterday but i found out that the brown sugar is gone..haish~ n i so wanted to eat at LJ yesterday..grr..

my ma started talking to me yesterday..tt's a good sign isn't it?

my frenz said that there's a possibility that it's appendix..but i tink, nah..i heard it's fatal..a useless organ that's fatal..interesting..hmm..i'll go to the doc if the pain comes back yeah..

a long day today..bleaghx..tired..so tired..

parent's day tml..haven't even told my ma abt it..yikes..i'm freaking out..grr..bad timing for a parent's day i think..

miss my lembu..moo..

wat's the world turning into?

everything seems to be so messed up rite now..my life, my studies, my family..but only him stand true..haish~

i dunno wat i want out of myself..everything seems to be gg crazy..

had a piercing pain in my stomach last nite..couldn't slp..haish~

a waste of time?

oh gosh..i so din noe wat happened between me and him yesterday..haish~ but oh well, at least we've both put it past behind us, or under wateva he wants..i love you..

can't believe tt he knew i was crying when we were 'thrashing' it out..

and i've yet to give him the present..

why can't my mum understand me for who i am?

life sucks..grr..

.:; cloud nine ::.

so excited..tml's our 1st month anniversary..hehe..

time flies fast doesn't it..

life has neva been so great before..

mardi malala marianne..tt's wat ed calls me..why? go figure..

am i supposed to be grateful or wat?

i went out with him yesterday..walked from bishan to amk central and we walked back all the way to my house..neva did something so crazy in my life before..hahakz..niwae, we met my second sis and her husband while i was walking home..shit..no escape lah..and she went like "oi, gi dating ke?"..bleaghx..wateva..i told them he's my classmate or something..hahakz..and he actually went to salam both of them and they smiled at him..how nice..at least they din like growl at him or something rite..hehe..but my sis promise to keep the secret for me..she just told me to be careful and dun let my dad finds out abt it..but, seriously, am i supposed to be grateful for wat she's willing to do for me? hmmm..i think so..

we kinda manage to talk things out..a bit..before we were interrupted by the presence of my sister..i just hope that things will be fine..i just hope that she'll be able to come to terms with it..coz i'm trying to myself..coz i can't bear to like lose him even though we just started..he's just someone so special who means a lot to me..and he knows that coz i told him that..

it's racial harmony day today..but the people all nt sporting...all neva wear..just a few people only..but hey, missing out on a lot of action..hehe..(^-^)

=iamconfused=

i dunno why he got so worked up abt it last nite..izzit because of her? as in, it's such a coincidence rite..haiz~ oh well..i hope that we'll be able to talk things out..hopefully..this time, i'm trying to be as honest as i possibly could..i hope that it doesn't backfire on me or something like that..i shall pray hard..

our 1st month is this coming sunday..hmm..i noe that it's just been one month but yeah, he's able to make me feel so special wen i'm with him..i hope that it's not something that's like momentary or wat lah..i hope that i can feel this way forever and ever..hehe..

finally, after some thought abt wat to get for him, i've decided after much help..i'm gg to buy a nice little box from Kalm's or Precious Moments..and then, i shall either bake muffins of choc chip cookies for him..put the, in the nice little box and put some candies that are selling at precious moments that char told me abt..and then i bought this black corrugated cardboard thingy and gg to make like a card out of it or something..write nice stuffs..hehe..and paste like paper stars and hearts on it..haiz~ and all that needs a hell lot of money..haiz~

i'm feeling guilty..he smiled at me just now and i dunno why i was like happy and pleased..haiz~ i wished him on his birthday..and he cant believe that i act remembered..oh well..shudn't be feeling this way..

"it screams in me silently"..tt's his msn nick..i wonder..hmm..

.:: not as smooth sailing as it shud be ::.

you know..sometimes things just dun happen the way that we wish it would happen..and when we finally decide to take a step, things just turn out bad..and that's exactly what happened yesterday for me, him and her..he finally decided to tell her that he's gg out with me and then she became balistic and was shouting at the top of her lungs and what not..n i din noe how to react..i was like so shocked..and when he was confiding in me, i reali din noe wat to say coz i was afraid that i mite say things that will possibly make him feel worse or something..haish~ n when i did say something, he just told me to go on with wateva i'm doing coz he needed to pack his bag and he 'kap' my phone..haish~and so, i din feel gd lah..haish~ switched off my phone after that, without realizing that he was trying to call me after that..sorry..honestly, i think i'm feeling insecure..but, what to do..i think that maybe it's not her fault for feeling that way after being together for almost 3yrs..but, it's over isn't it? there's no point in her brooding over it i feel..i'm trying to be as understanding and rational as possible..i just hope that this is just a test for the both of us..and i hope that we can still stay strong in spite of all this..now, he kept on asking me why i switched off my phone coz i always dun...i din noe wat to answer..i told him that maybe i just felt like i wanted to be alone..tt's all..is tt a good answer in the first place? only god knows..

hmm..

study plan is out..just need to put in into action..bearing in mind that i'll haf other distractions..just hope that i'll be able to make it..able to stick to what's planned..insya'allah..

the comp..it's screwing up..

i saw her that day at the library..hard at work..and the topic of her came up again between us..but i hope that things gonna work out..love ya darling..

nothing much to say..my mood last time came back again..

i wana watch fantastic four..but everybody else watch already..haish~

life sucks..again..

bleaghx..i think it's my fault but i dun think it is for getting scolded last nite..i just can't stand my family nagging at me when i just woke up, about to leave the house or i just reached home..i simply can't stand it at all..n yeah, tt's wat my dad did yesterday..as soon as i reached home, h went on and on and on..grr..wateva..

kecoh..yeah..that's what people describe me as..but diff people, diff definitions..wateva..=/

i'm in a foul mood these past few days and i'm still feeling it..i miss EC..i miss sitting there and just relaxing..i wanna go there and have a peaceful mind..i dun wanna be thinking abt too many things..there are too many things in my head rite now..i can't stand it..grr..

here's wat my dad said, "kau punya exam dah habis kan..kenapa kau masih nak belajar lagi?" go figure..

i feel like crying..again..my old me is coming back..n i dun want this..i dun like it..

i wanna lead an easy and carefree life..

.:: dun wanna be thinking at all ::.

tried to get started to study yesterday but it just seems impossible..somebody help me!!!! yikes..

now i know what it feels like..when i dun eat outside, my ma doesn't cook n i go hungry..n when i do eat outside, she cooks, like nasi ayam..bleaghx..wateva man..and for that, i got scolded?! geez..it's not fault..she hardly cooks on mondays and tuesdays niwae..so i assumed..wateva man..n early in the morning, she just had to scold me for that..

n the most annoying thing ever is that, she'll just stare at me until i get out from my bed..n she starts yakking away non-stop..grr..

been in a foul mood these past few days..especially in the morning..mood swings..dunno why..n now, my 'dun-feel-like-talking' mode is back..so yeah..dunno what's wrong with me..

learn something abt him yesterday..it seems that small little things will get back to him and will really ruin his day or something like that..he himself told me..so yeah, and honestly, i think so too..n he said that it'll be hard to please him when he's in that way..but it's ok darling..i'm always here, n will always find ways and means to make you feel beta..hehe..

the world is really small..as in, his friend is a friend of fyda or something like tat..the friend whom he said that my name was fatimah..wateva..hehe..n yesterday, he gave me another name, mariam..god knows why he like all these kinda names so much..geez..hahakz..and he told me that there's this person whose name is bakar bin hitam..hahakz..sorry if i offended anybody but yeah..the malay language..so interesting..

niwae, talking abt malay, i think i screwed up for my malay oral..bleaghx..dun wanna talk abt it..

weird question..weird ending to the conversation last nite..hope that it'll neva come true..luv u darling..

can't wait for tml..why? because i'll be meeting him..hahakz..n can't wait for friday too coz i'll be meeting my gerls and him..hehe..

.:: everything seems to be beta ::.

feeling so sleepy now..cannot stand it..in the bus tertido tak agak2 seh..hehe..

got back my malay results yesterday..not that bad..but it's soooo frustrating when such a thing happens..nvm..

went to meet him yesterday..cannot stand it..we met up at Sembawang..went to Sun Plaza..had nowhere to go so we ended up going in and out of the shopping mall..mcm org giler..haish..in the end, we just chilled at the library..comfy and cosy sofa they haf there..hehe...nice..to cuddle2..hahakz..nolah..jk..=p then i saw ikhsan..i din think he still remembered of recognised me for that matter..so he smiled n i smiled..n i scared later fadh thinks i'm smiling at other guys in front of him! yikes! n it seems that there's this gerl in his class hu has a crush on him..hmm..dream on gerl..he's mine..hahakz..! wateva man..hehe..

malay oral today..bleaghx..i haf a feeling i'm gg to tersasul in english..yikes!

ian cooked for us fish today..got some slices of bananas i think..sho nice of him..hehe..thank you ian! can't wait to get my hands on it..hehe..

a fren of mine said that we are on honeymoon period..he says that it'll be different after 6 mths where most of the feelings would be gone..hmm..i hope not seh..i dun want it to be that way..bleaghx..

i miss him..=(

pure romance? pure jealousy? go figure..

she called him alst nite..for wat, i simply haf no idea..but niwae, it seems that he doesn't want to let her noe abt our relationship just yet..no wonder he din approve the testi that i wrote for him..niwae, my mood was totally bleaghx wen he told me that..coz i was just wondering why he din want to..is he still concerned abt her? i dunno..if he doesn't wanna be frenz with her, then why shud he be rite? tsk tsk..i dunno lah..but i read somewhere once that most of the time it is abt the ex-es that couples fight abt..n now that i think abt it, we shud not be..so yeah, ain't gonna blow it up..just gonna chill..

but then, he said nice things after he knew that i was not really happy with the way things are..n yeah, the thing is, he never fails to put a smile on my face..thx..haven't been having such a wonderful with a guy after such a long time..thx darling..

niwae, to my dearest gerls..you guys are funny..or shud i say we are funny..hehe..the testi thingy that's gg on on friendster..hahakz..i'm having so much fun with that act..hehe..

i miss my gerls..soooooo much..it's been a while since i last saw them..i mean, i see sanah, met up with has that day n saw J once..but, i wanna see everybody gether2 all..hehe..

the things that i do with him, are i think the wierdest things that couples would ever do..we find pleasure in gg arnd singapore to find nice places to get food..hahakz..just that day we went to Tekka to haf lunch..next pit stop will be Haig Rd..dunno where's tt? go figure..hehe..

i'm soooo in love with you...('v')

.:: second entry..terrible start to the day ::.

got back my econs results..i noe that i din study for it..i noe that..i noe that i was gonna do badly for it.but not as badly as it turned out to be..this is bad..bleaghx..and wat's the worst part is that the teachers says it straight in your face that he's disappointed with you and your results..out of the 4 papers that i got back, he said it for three papers..and that's wat makes me feel horrible..the fact that he actually expected me to do better and yet, i give him shitty results..how am i gonna answer to my parents?! yikes..meet-the-parents session..that's the day that i'm so not looking forward to..escaped it last year but i doubt i can escape it again this year..wat if my parents need to see the principal and wat not? i can sense it..hell's breaking loose..yikes!

n i dun like it..wateva it is..bleaghx..=(

enough is enough..gotta get down to studying..whether i like it or not..gotta show to the world that i am capable of achieving results..i'm gonna to be in study mode..from when? maybe today? tml? but yeah, i think i'm gg to be the mardiana that i was back then in Year 1..have to..time's running out..prelims is like in 7 weeks time? and then, before i know it, it'll be the A's..already..

study..study..study..tt's all tt i'm gg to do..n once in a while, i'm gg to spend time with my darling and my frenz..

till then..

[so many things happening..dunno what to do..dunno what to think..]

neva had so much fun taking pictures before..hehe..sho sweeet..i like..hehe..went to toa payoh to take pics..hehe..and because of tat, i went home late..but as usual, came up with some kind of excuse..wonder how long this excuse thingy gonna last..it's not gg to happen once i'm out of sch..haiz~

i wonder why he doesn't accpet my testimonial..hmm..izzit because he doesn't want nadia to see? hmm..two testimonials already you know..takkan he neva get..impossible..haiz~bleaghx...

had a super strange dream 2 nights ago..

he deleted his friendster account i think..i wonder why..couldn't find him..oh well, not that it bothers me or anything..

D&D at Pan Pac..here i come..hehe..wonder what am i gonna wear huh..hmm..skirt? pants? people, help me decide..hehe..

my ma din wake me up lah today..hehe..n i was super close in not coming coz i woke up late..my shower time had to be cut short..so not fun..bleaghx..

school starts today..boring..=(

seeing the people arnd me being happy makes me happy too i guess..i figure it out..i dunno why but everytime when i watch something on tv even if it has nothing to do with me, i'll just smile..i'm nuts..hehe..

oh well, love you lembu..hahakz..*muackz*

...heaven's wat i feel wen i'm with you...

just given him a testi..i wonder wat his reaction will be..hehe..

went to watch "A Lot Like Love" yesterday with him..such a nice movie..hehe..and such a nice date..hehe..he's sho sweeeeet! hehe..*muackz* to my darling..hehe..

i'm like soooo in love lah now..

i dunno..being with him somehow makes me want to study hard..to show that i'm not distracted..and i shall start studying..from this week onwards maybe..or next week..hehe..

so far so good..

hmm..i think he's a mean guy when he's sick..haiz~ he kept on like scolding me like tt..but i think i'm one annoying and irritating gerl niwae..haiz~but i think it's the way that he is..but apart from tt, he's okie..

then somebody asked me whether i'm with him coz i'm talking to him on the phone..hahakz..wateva..hehe..

haiz~supposed to meet him today go watch a lot like love..but he's sick..then never get to see him..haiz~ then i offered to accompany him then he dun want..at least i will get to see him..oh well..suka hati lah eh..haiz~

no mood..just finished exam..last paper today...moodless..nowhere to go..coz plans all spoilt..bleaghx..

.:: it's been a long time ::.

hey people..did you all miss me? it's been a long time since i was last here i just realised that..hehe..niwae, got so many things to say.got so many things to update you all abt it..

i'm now together with fadh.hehe..on the 240605..so tt was like a few days ago..but yeah, even when we were not together yet, we acted like as if were together already..so i think it feels all the same..some think that it's quite fast that i moved on from the shitty one that i had with fiq but yeah..i dunno..it's time i move on..he moved on already..so yeah..

now, more abt him..he's super duper sweet..he makes me feel this particular feeling that i haven't felt for a very long time with a guy..hehe..i dunno lah..he's so nice..he's a darling..he's my darling..hehe..but, it seems that his ex still can't seem to let him go..but whatever it is, he has so yeah..hehe..i'm happy for myself..hehe

sanah's bday celebration at east coast was a blast..hehe..

i think, i think i'm gonna fail my mid years badly..neva been studying for it..haiz..of coz ah..mana nak study..went for two hols..once to tanjung pinang with nor and sanah too..and the second one to KL&Cameron..and so unlucky, i got sick at cameron and still was sick when i get back to singapore..haiz~

my dad is really serious abt me gg for driving lessons..me so short? how? hahakz..then next time i go pick my darling up..hehe..

a change for my blog skin..should i? i still tink it's nice..hehe..

ok, nothing to write abt..can't wait to meet him later...miss my darling so much..

see ya..

-missed me?-

it's been a while since i was here..hehe..so much has happened i think..hehe..

niwae, went out with him today..went to watch cursed..so funny..he's super duper nice..it's fun hanging out with him actually..hehe..we always end up eating..coz he's always hungry and i always end up being hungry..hehe..talk to him everyday..hehe..it's funny coz we've been frenz only recently but it felt like forever..hehe..

haven't been studying..confirm will do super duper badly..

so much has happened but dunno wat to write..oh well..

been too lazy and still am..

such a lazy bum bum..

muz get down to studying..

...

i hope that he's happy with wateva he's doing..and dun worry, i'm sure that you'll meet you special princess someday k? all the best to you..

last time it was the FIQs..now, it's the FAs..hahakz..oh well..afadh and an..oh well..i dunno lah..dun wan to involve myself in anything yet..just wanna be frenz first..i just got out from a bad relationship..so yeah..

faz, you ah..stop promoting me to him eh..i'm damn shy you know..hehe..

ok, no mood to blog already..supposed to be studying niwae..sorry maz, neva follow u go find the uncle..i tired ah..heez..dun mind me ya..

.:: dun wanna think ::.

he mite treat me as his friend, but i dun think i will..it only hurts even more..

i dun understand why he's like running away from the questions..

frenz, buddies, palz..thanks for being there for me all this while..love ya all loads..and you guys noe who you are..

can't wait for holidays..going to tanjung pinang..then gg to KL and cameron highlands..hehe..

and i thin because of that, my mid-years will suffer..hehe..

oh well..

ain't in the best of mood now..

toodles..

.:: oh well ::.

i can't stay for the debate chalet..bleaghx..maybe i shud haf asked them earlier..but you noe me, i dun dare to ask my parents for anything one..so yeah..haiz~ but at least they let me go..but one condition..my dad has to send me there and pick me up then i can go..i dunno eh..sometimes i feel tat i'm still the baby of the family in their eyes..and that i still haven't grown up yet..yeah..wateva man..at least they let me go..but until when will they not allow me to do these kinda things? haiz..

i dun think he cares anymore..he can't bothered to hear me out at well..he feels that there's nothing left to be said..bullshit..will he ever call me then even though i asked him to? maybe, i shud call him again..wonder who he's married to if he insisted that there are no other girls..wateva man..

i'm now at sanah's house..nice chocolate cake gerl..hehe..

.:: for you ::.

Once we were lovers just lovers we were
Oh, what a life
Once we were dreamers just dreamers we were
Oh, you and I
Now I see you're just somebody who wastes all my time and money
What a lie, you and I

.:: why must things always end this way?! ::.

i knew something bad was coming..i knew it..but, i dunno..

why you always do this to me? why can't you give me a call? why must you use that as an excuse? i simply dun understand..

how i wish you would have talked it out with me first..why did you just like have your say and i didn't have a chance to have mine? i dun understand..

every relationship starts with a friendship..and i believe that even though you're in a relationship, you're still friends rite? the best of friends actually..but, why must you look at it that way? special friendship you know..and you know that you mean the world to me..but why this? you didn't even talk to me abt it nor did you say anything abt it when i msged you..and what if i didn't log in? i wouldn't noe and i wud be like thinking that things are normal..today's our supposedly 1st month anniversary and yet, this happens..

why must you always do this to me? why you must you always do it before my exams?! why?! why?! why?!

never mean to break my heart huh..my goodness..how can that possibly be? i just dun understand..are you making a rash decision at the spur of the moment? did you even think it through? i wonder..

we need to talk..we soooo need to talk..

but i can't understand why you couldn't gif me a call or meet up with me to talk things thru? why? why resort to that? grr..

you said last time that all that doesn't matter to you and you were afraid that it might matter more to me..but what are you saying now? i dun understand why you suddenly say all those things..we were planning our future together..and i thought that this time, things will really work out..and i really thought that it would..everything seemed ok until the day you told me whatever you told me....AARGH!!!! i hate you!!!!!!!!!!

COWARD!

and you know why i gave you that testi? coz it seems that you didn't really want your friends to know abt us..therefore, i wouldn't wanna write something so open and mushy and stuffs like that coz i thought that maybe, you wouldn't like it as the whole world would know by then..and yet, you were so dumb to read it otherwise..grr..

and so, who are you married to now huh? bleaghx..

if you really wanna end it or wateva rite, pluck up the courage to come and meet me..get it?

i noe you won't be able to read this..but if somehow, you manage to read this, haf a good read yeah..!

but seriously, i just wanna meet you rite now..haf a good talk and hopefully, we'll manage to work things out..

i noe education mite be a factor to you but, didn't you say last time that it doesnt matter to you? feeling insecure izzit? but why? didn't i tell you that things will be ok? haiz~

i love you..no matter wat you say, even though i mite sound angry, even though i'll be like wat the heck, i'll still love you..and always will..

grrr...emotional turmoil..bleaghx..

Deep within my soul I feel
Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could so bad baby
Quit playin' games with my heart
Quit playin' games with my heart
Before you tear us apart
I should've known from the start
Before you got into my heart
I live my life the way
To keep you comin' back to me
Everything I do is for you so
So what is it that you can't see

and now, that's wat i really feel about whatever you're doing to me rite now..and i shall haunt you tonight..if you dun answer my phonecalls, then, i shall just flood your phone with missed calls..like it or not..

you owe me..

.:: lost&confused ::.

i'm extremely confused now..it seems that he sent me a msg on friendster..but i tried reading it but there was nothing there..and it seems that he really wants me to read it coz yesterday he asked me whether i got it, and yeah, wait until i read it then we'll see..i dunno wat's happening..and it seems that the stupid msg thingy is under maintenance now..bleaghx..niwae, i went to his profile and now, his status is married..he deleted testimonials from his ex-es it seems..i dunno..bleaghx..i'm confused..but wat if, he's laike attached to someone else instead? hmm..i wonder..I REALLY, REALLY WANNA READ THE MSG!!!! grr..but seriously, since i dunno what's the msg about, i'm kinda wary you know..today's our 1st month anniversary..but i dun dare msg or wish him coz i really dunno the content of the msg..haiz~wat now?

ian's birthday celebration was great! we went to aaron's house to celebrate..shannon's cooking was fabulous and marvellous..hehe..so exciting lah..healthy eating for once and he's happy that we're eating healthily gether2 with him..ian, i hope that you enjoyed yourself yeah..=) then we played Stress and Bridge..now that i noe how to play on my own already, i think i had fun..hehe..and Stress was really stressing..hehe..like Snap like that you know..hehe..super duper fun..hehe..

now, i'm just waiting for the moment to be able to read his msg..=[

.:: emptiness ::.

how i wish i can stay out until late at night..then i wud apply for work at shiqah's place as a telemarketeer from 7pm-10pm..haiz..15bux a day..i think it sounds pretty ok..but i haf my stupid curfew..

i think i was much happier living off my prepaid instead of line..my bill's making me and my ma practically quarreling everyday, every single minute of my life..as soon as i open my eyes, she starts nagging..literally..this morning, while waking me up, she started scolding me abt the bill..wateva man.can't be bothered..i wanna earn my own money..wat abt secretly working during the june holidays? hmm..that sounds extremely tempting actually..haiz..oh well..

went to east coast yesterday..the wind was fantastic..but i shall not tell him that i went there..i must and should try to talk to him soon..i wanna stop thinking of the possibilities..bleaghx..

happy birthday ian!

hard up on cash..grr..

.:: terrible ::.

i'm feeling terrible now..tears welling up in my eyes..i dunno wat to do..y did i even bother to like check and look? what's my stand? is he taking it for real? i'm confused...i keep thinking and i just can't stop thinking..will i ever be acknowledged as his? wat am i gonna do? i noe that it's stupid to be thinking over such a small matter..but somehow, i feel that it's these small little things that make the significance..will things ever change? or am i just taken for granted? were his words then just sweet words that i made me to be easily taken in? was what Has said true? i'm lost..how i wish that i didn't jump into it..i dunno..why? or am i just worrying too much? i dun want to be like as if aku nie shiok sendiri..haiz..

will you ever noe what i'm feeling? will you ever noe my fears? will you ever do anything to make me feel better?

.M.O.O.D.L.E.S.S.

haiz..158 days to the A Levels..how like that..haiz~

not in the best of mood these past few days..dunno why..

guess wat? somebody msged me on friendster lah..took me quite some time to recognize who it was..and it was actually fadhli..he looks diff..gosh..hmm..

dunno wat to do..dunno wat to say..not in the mood to do anything..dun ask me why..

sometimes, how i wish i can just stop running away from problems..bleaghx..

i need a time out..again..

.:: living hell ::.

my gosh..sch's becoming worser and worser by the day..every teacher is coming down hard on us..even our own ct..but, somehow i think that she has the right to be..but then..i dunno..i'm not looking forward to going to sch already..bleaghx..

even greg too..and he's calling our parents if we dun hand up our assignments on time..geez..

my gosh..the comp is laggy!!!!! AARGH!!!!!

i'm struggling to study for my econs test now..i noe nothing abt econs..goodnees..as good as faling it, which i think i will..bleaghx..

woke up late to go to sch..wat a start to the day..

my life has turned into a living hell..geez..

.:: mar's a happy girl now =) ::.

heyz! i'm such a happy girl lah now..hehe..met up with him yesterday after sch..my gosh..it took damn long lah to decide where to go..i knew he didn't wanna go anywhere..i knew that he just wanted to stay at home..i just knew it...but i didn't noe what i did that suddenl made him think that i was angry then he said ok, let's go out..kwang kwang kwang..hehe..caught ya man..hehe..niwae, we actualyl planned to watch a movie..i wanted to Amityville Horror..hehe..so yeah..went to marina and we couldnt even find the movie place lah..damnit..the place looks so different..i dun even noe my way..it's under renovation and i bet it's gonna be way nicer than before..the thing was right, he went there on saturday and most shops were closed but he didn't even tell me lah..dol mat betul..hehe..then we went to suntec instead, and i was hoping so badly that we could still watch a movie even though it was already like 6pm..hehe..and the earliest show available was 7pm, so we just dismissed the idea lah..yupz..

omg..he has neva heard of Auntie Anne's and Mrs Fields before lah..tsk tsk..hehe..so funny lah he..he thought it was Mrs Ville..geez..hehe..so cute seeing him eating the Double Fudge Brownie..mcm budak kecik betul..hehe..=) then we went to esplanade to walk arnd and before we knew it, it kinda started drizzling coz we saw everybody running..hehe..so we turned back..but then, now that i think abt it, i think it was just the trees..bleaghx..

so many funny things happened yesterday lah..like he walked towards the wrong direction and when i told him, he'll come up with funny and wierd excuses to 'save face'..hahakz..funny guy..*muackz*

then i think i saw fareza with her two of her friends at the bus stop outside esplanade on the way home..i'm not really sure whether it was her or not coz she and him didn't like tegur but i dunno..and soon after that, he kinda stood a distance from me..dunno why..bleaghx..wateva man..hmmm..

ecoz quiz on saturday at nus..geez..no fren seh..so boring and like what the heck..geez..but it's a good thing coz at least, i no need go kampung with the rest of my family..hehe..

i'm wearing my new sch skirt now..and i think i look damn wierd and funny with it..geez..

.:: fantabulous day ::.

hey! just recently, i went to watch two movies..! hehe..so happy..

yesterday, i went to watch Kingdom Of Heaven with my classmates (Sanah, Char, Jerry, Aaron, Terry, Fiz, Im, HJ, Jane, Su Zhen, Hashi, Shanthini) and Miss Kwok too! hehe..the movie's not bad..a lot of fighting scenes but seriously can be quite gory at times..there were a lot of chopping off heads, slashing of necks etc..bloodshed everywhere..fighting between the Christians and Muslims over Jerusalem..there was this particular point that somehow, just watching it makes me really like sad and disturbed as to see how the Muslims were treated..there was Orlando Bloom..he has such a nice and marvellous body.. =) kwang kwang kwang..hehe..and there was this guy whom i think looks like The Undertaker..hehe..oh well..

niwae, after that, we went to haf dinner at LJ @ J8 as we went there to catch the movie..after i ate Combo 2, i felt sick..it was oily and my tonsils were already inflammed in the first place and i just felt like puking..bleaghx..and the topic of circumcision came up..heez..=P

then, we went to take neoprints..chaotic man..there were like 10 of us and we had to squeeze ourselves in that puny area to take the picture..geez..everybody was screaming, or was it just me? hehe..and terry was like sooo poor thing lah..he was pushed down many times by char and there was one picture that only his hair could be seen..hehe..and that wasn't the end of it..when it came to decorating the pictures, char made him look wierd lah..tsk tsk..gave him funny accessories and even put a pig's nose on his nose eh! char, why you so notti? hehe..haf i taught you nothing? next time, must do more! hehe..jk only..terry dun angry hor! hehe..

and i told my ma the truth abt where i went yesterday..every single detail eh..geez..and i thought that i was under some curse..like the one in Liar Liar..hehe..=P

and then, i thought that i didn't get to hear from him the whole day yesterday so i msged him lah..and then, arnd 10.30 like that, my phone started ringing and i was sleeping..i was like what the heck lah, who's the stupid idiot who called me..little did i know it was him..hehe..it took me quite some time to register actually..hehe..he went for his theory class yesterday and he called me as soon as he reached home..how sweet..i hope he's picking me up today or something coz he asked me what time i end sch today..hehe..i hope so yeah..hehe..

04a2, we shud haf a class outing..a proper one..one that most will be able to turn up for ok? i dun care..welfare head! organise alright..hehe..gif you more work to do..hehe..=)

.:: unwell - emotionally physically, mentally ::.

grr..never been so sick for such a long time..haiyoy..yesterday, my temperature was like 38.9..geez..and my parents made me take this fever syrup that's like for KANAK2..haiyoy..and i think, that made my fever worse lah..from yesterday until this morning, my temperature's like up & down..haiz...wen i tot tt i'm ok, the next moment, before i knew it, my temperature went up again..haiz~ feel like vomitting..bleaghx..

ha, and then he didn't call me again..even though he called me in the morning yesterday..oh well..mcm tak kisah je aku ni sakit..oh well..wateva man..

(no expectations mardiana..just let things go with the flow...)

haiz~ wat am i supposed to tell people huh? that we're together or are we not? hmmm..wateva man..bleaghx..

i'm gonna use the money that i got for the award to buy new shoes..kwang kwang kwang..and maybe, just maybe, i shall plead with my ma to let me use it for my hp bill also..bleaghx..$91.55..how like that..tsk tsk..

sometimes i feel that my parents do care about me..i think i should be sick more often then they'll like visibly showering me with concern..kwang kwang kwang..

i didn't feel like gg to sch today..coz seriously, i'm like really, really sick lah..haiz~ i told my ma that i wud just go to sch take attendance and if i really cannot take it, i'll just go home..but the thing is, my class watching kingdom of heaven today..so, that bit was wat made me feel that i shud go to sch..hmmm..my priorities are all messed up..

my dad said that if i get 3 distinctions for A Levels, he'll give me $300..that makes it $100 per distinction..wow..but then he said, minimum two distinctions..easier said than done you noe..my bro-in-law said ask for a Nissan March if i get 3 distinctions..kwang kwang kwang..hmm..and now, tat really gives me the motivation to study..coz my dad means wat he says..hehe..

miss you badly..izzit because of what happened that day that made you to think twice abt this realtionship? i wonder..if only you'll tell me honestly what's going thru your mind and not leave me to wonder abt it myself..

::[aimless wanderer]::

.:: confused twit..that's wat i am ::.

wateva man..dunno wat to do..y muz he say whatever he said to me? haiz~

nag and nag and nag..that's all they do..bleaghx..

.:: disturbed ::.

my left shoulder's aching like hell..my ma said that it's swollen..my goodness..i dunno what's wrong with me..and it seems that everything on the left hurts too! my waist hurts..my spine hurts..everything lah..geez..and because of that, i neva go for pe..that's why i'm here typing this out..

niwae, had such a bad night last night..didn't noe what's come over me..going to seek solace later..where? i haf no idea..

i need a hug..i need someone by me..i need you..

nayali, i hope that gether2 we'll be able to find the culprit who took your phone k? and wen we do meet him/her, we'll whack him/her hard..aite?

.:: i promise you ::.

It's in the silences,the words you never say
I see it in your eyes, it always starts the same way
It seems like everyone we know,is breaking up
Does anybody ever stay together, anymore?

I promise you,from the bottom of my heart
I will love you till death do us part
I promise you as a lover and a friend
I will love you like I never love again
With everything I am

ooh I see you look at me,
when you think I'm not aware
You're searching for clues,o
f just how deep my feelings are.
How do you prove the sky is blue, the oceans wide?
All I know is how I feel,
when I look into your eyes

Oh there are no guarantees
That's what you always say to me
But late at night I feel the tremble in your touch
Oh what I'm trying to say to you,
I never said to anyone I Promise

.:: dunno wat to think of ::.

grrr..why didn't rob and amber win the amazing race?! AARGH! hate it man..i wanted them to win sooo badly..dunno why..haiz~ if only they could find the stupid King Of Havanas thingy..i think, they'll surely have won..but nonetheless, i think Uchenna and Joyce are nice people too..so they kinda deserve to win..i was hoping soooo hard that they couldn't not find enough money..if only that happens, then rob and amber could have won...but watevalah eh..it's all over now..can't do anything..

i think shan in eye for a guy is like soooo cute..hehe...and one of the ang-moh guy that came into the show last night is cute too..hehe..oh well..=P

american idol..didn't get to watch it last night..only managed to watch the last performance of the night by anthony..and it seems that he sang the same song as carrie..geez..i wonde who's gonna be out..i kinda hope that it's bo coz he only seems to be able to sing 'rock-y' type of songs..yupz..

to the debate team, it's ok if you guys didn't get to move on the next round..at least you guys won one out of two debates..it's ok aite..i noe it's the last time for sanah and dhana but wateva it is, you guys did your best yest yeah..*muackz*

something, i feel kinda useless and helpless coz in times when help is needed, i can't seem to offer the help that they need..coz i really dunno how to help..it makes me wonder why am i doing there in the first place..haiz~ it sucks when someone needs your help but somehow, you can't just can't seem to be able to help the person out..or an organization for that matter..haiz~

hmmm..i dunno yeah..

i'm so excited..can't wait for june holidays to come..because my dad's bringing some of my friends to go to tanjung pinang..hehe..all expenses paid eh..first time you noe..i really hope that all of you girls can go yeah..has, faster2 go extend your passport thingy..my mas say jsut go there and tell them..and i'm sure you haf to pay money..dun expect it to be free yeah..hehe..but then, how i wish that they would let me go on my own too..like johor or something like that..i wanna go genting and haf fun..so do afiq...but then, he doesn't haf anybody that can go overseas with him..that's sad..hmmm..

sometimes, i really wonder..does it really matter wat's written online for everyone to see? friendster for example..does it really matter what your profile states when actually it's supposed to be the opposite? haiz~ does it? i hope not..does it actually make a difference? does it really reflect the type of person he/she is? hmmm..oh well..

i think he's kinda like thinking twice os something..as in, mcm he feels pressured or something like that lah..coz he was saying that among all my sisters, i'm the one who's like having the higher education than them..and obviously my parents would expect a husband of the same standard as me..do you think so? i dun think so..knowing them, i think they'll do just fine if we're both ok..coz they see no point in halanging the relationship or anything like that coz who knows what will happen behind their backs if they were to do tat..hmmm..i wonder until when will they be so strict with me yeah..i wonder..

i dunno why but i feel that i'm a much happier person now than i was before..even my entries now are like happier and not so depressing as they used to be..well done mardiana! good job..hehe..

i think that farhan sleeping already..pandai ckp org..dia tu pun, msg2 abeh tau2 senyap je..tsk tsk..

i shud try to keep my entries short and sweet.it's getting way toooo long..hehe..=P

.:: over the top ::.

went to meet my sister at pasir ris yesterday to go shopping for skirt..hasanah! i tell you something..i bought the flary skirt at This Fashion..the type that we wanted to buy last time remember? i dunno whether it's the same one but yeah, i bought one yesterday and i tink it's super duper nice..hehe..now, i'm eyeing the skirts that they sell at Bussorah Street/Arab Street..yupz..shall drag my mother there one day..i tink my family kinda pampers me..even though they are like super strict with me..hehe..at times, i should count myself lucky coz whatever i want, i can just tell them and they'll get it for me just like that..like the skirt lah..my sis bought one the day before andi tried it on coz it was like soooo nice..and then, the next thing i knew, she asked me whether i want one and that she can but one for me..whoa! hehe..

geez..i'm so glad that you're ok sunshine..luckily you didn't get into an accident or anything like that..and dun say i neva say abt you ok..you didn't gif me a chance to coz you went on rambling abt why i didn't tell you i was home already..hahakz..he had his riding prac yesterday and it was a rainy day..and he told me that his bike skidded on the road coz the person in front of him suddenly braked..oh well..i'm just glad that he's doing fine now..he's damn fierce lah..he raised his voice a bit only and i think i was on the verge of crying already..tsk tsk..

did i tell you he got his job at Hyatt Hotel as a waiter? and, coincidentally, my D&D is at Hyatt too..hahakz..the interesting thing tat can happen is that he happens to work on that day and he serves my table..hehe..then, he said he wanna wear bow tie on that day..then can gether2 wear nice2 with me..hahakz..funny guy..love ya to bits! *muackz*

today's the ACJC inter-collegiates..hope that the team will win and get to move on to the second round..easy for me to say, but i really, really hope so...
to Sanah, Sadhana, Wee Kiat, Ray and Joel: best of luck guys..we'll be there supporting you all the way!

i think my last bill's gonna shoot up like nobody's business..coz just based on my estimation alone, it'll be $93 inclusive of GST..tsk tsk..wer to get the money like that..haiz~

.:: miss me? ::.

it's been a while since i last blog huh? not that long either but yeah..sooo many days already..hehe..niwae, updates..

went for drama nite on friday..nor came along to watch..o'oh..she must think that we only asked her along coz we needed her inhaler? so sorry girl if i made you feel that way..geez..i'm terrbily sorry..but niwae, i'm glad that we met up coz i think it's been ages since i last saw you actually..yupz yupz..
niwae, the cast of 'Oz' was superb, fantastic, wonderful and wat else do i've gotta say abt them?
all in all, they were great..yupz..aaron was cute lah..hehe..he was soo funny and only then did i realize how skinny he was..must eat more k, illicit partner? lolx..fazli was great..not that i didn;t know that..but seriously, he was very good..he should join singapore idol you know..it will do good for him..and he has a good voice so should not waste it you know, dude? hehe..terry became an interesting and cute tin man..hehe..i wonder how could he not be tired with such restricted movements..hehe..hashi was a very convincing mother..heez..mcm very sophisticated gitukan..interesting..hehe..jane played multiple roles..but a job well done too..good job..ravin was superb..seriously..and i think i'm running out of vocab to use..hahakz..she was great, super convincing..in all, the musical was a great show being put up..
oh, and we bought flowers for them..nice flowers..hehe..everyone deserves a big hug for that...*hug*hug*
oh, and farhan and shah came to watch fazli..finally, i got to see him up close..yeah, they are very nice people..funny in fact..hahakz..they both look like a couple lah..hehe..=P
ok, i noe that i'm laggy for writing abt this after such a long time, but who cares? hehe..=p

mother's day was such a bore..woke up at 1.45pm..hahakz..like lembu like that and didn't do anything the whole day except sleeping..hehe..kak ninin came and gave this cake to my mum and left..wat nonsense..in the end, it was only me and my parents..(what's new huh?) and then, the funniest part was, my dad went to sing birthday song to my mum! geez..i wonder what's gone into him..hahakz..

and i never go sch yesterday lah..tsk tsk..niwae, went to the library..saw afiq at my void deck but didn't dare to tegur coz i very shy lah..he was with his friends and i think he wasn't happy abt it coz after that, he became very sarcastic with me abt it..haiz..niwae, i still had the cheek to go to sch after tat coz there was the mlcs exco '05/06 interview..i tell you, nobody really told why they really, really deserve the post..many just said that because they want it pretty badly..and up till now, i still wonder why they nominate hariz as the IT head..i wonder whether he has ny clue abt it even..i really, really wanna noe the reason why..haiz~ i wonder how the future exco's gonna be like..
went to meet up with him after that and he sent me home..hehe..quite happylah..long time never see him already wat..hehe..so sweet..came down all the way to amk just to send me home..thx..hehe..his dressing style changed already..i mean, he's not a mat tapered aniymore! yay! and, another good news, he's quitting smoking! wat other news can be better than that you tell me? hehe..well done afiq..hehe..keep up the good work..hehe..very proud of you..finally man..after such a long time..hehe..niwae, speaking of him, things are back to normal..but then, i dun think that he's making the relationship aware to other people..even his friendster account doesn't state so..i wonder why..but who cares lah..can't really be bothered actually..coz initially, neither did i change mine..but i guess, as long as he's true abt the relationship this time arnd, it shud be ok..i guess..heez..i shall continually console myself..haiz~

i think i am not being very accepting of other people's personality..i dunno why..like i feel that if it's not really what i'm being exposed to or something like that, then i will find it quite hard to get along with people..oh well, sometimes i wonder why people just can't seem to look at things the simple way..haiz~ i think neither do i at times..yupz..

we had a discussion on religion and stuffs like that during gp tutorial yesterday..and it actually made realize on how much i shud try to learn more abt my own religion..yupz..and how guilty it makes me feel coz of the fact that i'm practically sinning everyday! haiz~

girl ah, you'd beta not do it again ah..noti notti..or else, i shall spank you..lolx..hehe..

to be honest, i quite can't wait for him to get his riding license..hehe..he said it'll look cute to see two small people ridnig on a motorbike..hehe..oh well..hahakz..who cares..i think it'll be very fun..hehe..

okie then..that's all i haf to say for now..nothing much..this is a super, duper long entry lah..dun mind ya..hehe..

till next time..see ya! =)

.:: madness ::.

i'm stuck between these three crazy gerls..that i simply love and adore..hehe..so funny..hehe..

i just realised how cute my cousins are..hehe..whoever their future wives will be, they'll be soooo lucky! hehe..niwae, ahmad hushairi's ceramah next sunday at masjid ghufran is entitled "Tipah Tertipu"..i think it's funny..hehe..and yeah, that' my cousin..hehe..he graduated as a tok kadi or something..i think he's like boy boy cute gitu lah..hehe..

niwae, tonight's drama nite..quite excited..hehe..

honestly, i'm in no mood to blog at all..so yeah..till next time..

.:: wateva man ::.

i dunno why but nowadays i get irritated easily..i wonder why..must try to be more understanding..yupz..

i shall not and will not disturb him or bother him until his exams are over..he went for interview at hyatt hotel yesterday..i wonder what he's applying for..it seems that his ma dun like him to work in this kind of places..i wonder why..i wonder whether i can tahan not seeing him until like end of next week or the week after next..die, sure die..then, most probably, not contacting him also..die, sure die..

niwae, yesterday khairul msged me from US..what are the charges ah? haiz..hahakz..he said the food there no chili..so funny..typical singaporean huh? hehe..

tml's drama nite..so exciting..hehe..can't wait to see my classmates in action..hehe..niwae, it seems that fazli asked farhan to come..and that fazli asked me to sit next to farhan..geez..never even seen him up close in real life before..so memalukan seh..hehe...

abg mimi nikah tonight..hmm..gg there with my ma later..my ma sanggup seh gif me money to take a cab home from sch so that i won't be late..hehe..hahakz..and we talk until so secretly so that my dad wun find out..i think my ma's cute..hehe..

whoa..american idol last night was like wow..even though constantine is out (my favourite you know, so cute..hehe..) but bo was like fantastic..he's never been my favourite but yesterday, he really sang like a pro..i really, really hope that scott will be out..like never gg to be gitu kan..oh well..

i think i wud wanna go to london for a holiday or something..the place is like so marvellous lah..saw it last during amazing race..aargh! i wanna go there..i dun care..when i haf the money though..hehe..

to samir and radhiah, all the best yeah for saturday..we must win something ok? no stress but yeah..hehe..=)

.:: understanding, that's wat i need to be ::.

haiz..understanding..that's what i need to be..seriously..wat you said is true sanah..it's only been a week..haf to try to you know understand the whole situation better..and furthermore, it was six months..can't expect too much..i shouldn't haf so much expectations out of this whole thing..if only he knows what i'm really feeling..but when i think abt it, i think i'm just thinking too much yeah..you've gotta help me girl..i dunno why i can't seem to trust him fully..haiz~ but then, he himself knows that, so yeah..i'm like on my guard this time around..but then, he's like acting cold towards me this past few days..i wonder why..i asked him whether he was angry with me but he said no..haiz~ maybe, i'm just thinking too much..
i just hope that this time round, it'll be for the better..

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you

Don't, don't, don't walk away
I promise I won't let you down
If you take my hand tonight
I promise We'll be just fine This time
If you take my hand tonight
If you take my hand tonight
Without you
I go through the motions
Without you
It's just not quite the same

.:: m00dless ::.

actually, i got no mood to blog..but what the heck..

can i say something? i dunno why but i'm thinking twice about the decisions that i made..am i doing the right thing? for those who know what i'm talking abt, help me out here yeah..really need it..haiz~

supposed to go to the sp production, fiesta femina but didn't go in the end..mus lah..haiz~ but it's ok..at least i got my money back..lolx..

went to meet up with keem..keem dearie, i'm glad that you're doing fine yeah..you dun worry too much aite? if there's anything, i'm always here ok?

i seem to haf lost all emotions these past few days..like seriously, not feeling anything..haiz~

whatever man..

.::it's out ::.

hey guys..i'm so sorry for not telling you all any earlier abt it..i dunno why but i just felt scared..dun ask me why..i know you guys asked me just now but it just seems that it's something that i dun haf an answer to..i'm really glad that i haf positive reactions from you guys..whatever it is, i really hope tat you guys will be there for me no matter what happens yeah..and i noe you guys will..=) thanks..love ya guys to bits..just as how much i love him yeah..hehe..*muackz*

Yesterday, you asked me something I thought you knew.
So I told you with a smile 'It's all about you'
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me to,
Say 'If you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you'
And I would answer all you're wishes, if you asked me to.
But if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what I'd do.
So hold me close and say three words, like you used to do.
Dancing on the kitchen tops,
Yes you make my life worthwhile,
So I told you with a smile...
It's all about you.

hmmm..

god knows what happened to my previous entry that couldn't be published...wateva man..haiz..

niwae, things are surely picking up..not bad..he told me yesterday that maria told him that he and i look like a cute couple at the hospital..hehe..ade2 je maria eh..hehe..

nayali told me something wierd today..out of the sudden..i wonder why ah..

it seems that there are potential ex-co members among the j1s..hope you guys will be able to haf the post that you want yeah..i wish you all the best and good luck..hehe..

so many things coming up..can't even keep track of my own activities..haiz..

haven't been studying..disappointment..

guess wat? i won the management committee award thingy..didn't expect it..but oh well..hehe..my parents coming on tat day..they seem to be very supportive in wateva i do ah..esp if it's this kind of things..i think they must be proud of me or something..hehe..honestly, that kinda felt good..lolx..

got the vcd for the gpa last nite..the sample..getting the real one later..my goodness..i looked terribly fat lah..geez..must start losing weight..lolx..and my gigi..tsk tsk..so jongos..hehe..bleaghx..wateva man..

miss ya..!

.s.o.c.o.n.f.u.s.e.d.

i dunno what to do..i dunno wat i'm doing..will i ever regret my decision? will i be able to commit myself to him? will i be ok in the future years? haiz~i dunno..if i'm ever hurt again, by him, it's my fault..not his..it's a risk that i'm willing to take..like wat sanah said..bcoz nobody in the rite sense of mind will go back into a relationship for the fourth time..i dunno..i need some light..but i guess, now, i feel beta..but then, i dunno..he's afraid that i'll change my mind anytime..i dunno..oh well..

.:: sweet memories ::.

act, i got no mood to blog..but nvm..

::[220405]::
went down to the hospital to visit him rite..yeah..he got discharged on that day..then, i felt like ok, the two of us can be wonderfully good friends..hehe..i mean, yeah..everything seems oklah..he seems to appreciate my help and presence..and the fact that i'm able to be by his side..hehe..dunnolah..wonder what the outcome will be..haiz..one day must thrash things out also..hmmm..

::[230405]::
met up with him after class..accompanied his family to kak lin's house..to take care of him..i'm his private nurse..oklah..his family treats me very well..hehe..anak angkat nya cik hasmah katakan..hehe..

::[240405]::
finally, me, maz and liyana managed to talk her round..dunno whether it worked or not..unexpected..haiz..girl, how i wished that you had said something lah..i know you had a lot of thoughts in your head while we all were talking..if there's anything, just tell us..ok? and i really, really hope that you'll come back..hope to see you back in sch tml..
at this point of time, i'm chatting on msn with him..we managed to thrash things out..phew..finally..girls, i'll show you the conversation tml in sch..i dunno..maybe, there's hope in another one..but i dunno..haiz~ quite confused..at least we managed to thrash things out after six months..haiz~ better than nothing..sanah, i'm heeding your advice yeah..haiz..i dunno..oh well..

.:: lost and confused ::.

.:: trip to the hospital ::.

hmmm.. well, well, well..what do i haf to say? went down to the hospital yesterday to pay him a visit..he looks soooo pitiful..as in he was in soooo much pain and all..my heart really goes out to him..the details, i shall not say it here..muahaha..but, it was ok i guess...as in, he talks to me and all that..he's very nice..he appreciate my presence..he msged me and said thank you coz he was sleeping when i left..not bad..he asked me how was life and stuffs like that..and he kept on assuming that i haf a bf..bleaghx..whatever..hehe..but, it makes me happy to see him smile..when the nurse told him that he looked happier, he told her coz his fren was there, his long lost fren..hmm..he said that he's shy to call me up..so he wud prefer e-mail or msn..funnylah that guy..lika as i wud eat him up gitu..gg down to the hospital again today..after this..i told him that i'm coming down and he seems excited or something like that..he cant wait for me to come..coz he said that i helped him a lot in his recovery..hmm..at least, i was able to help him somehow in his recovery..that makes me feel better..seeing him happy makes me happy too..and that's all i'm asking for..i really, really feel like i'm a fren to him and that's something good..rite? niwae, we'll see how it goes yeah..hope you're feeling much, much better yeah..he'll be discharged tml..mar's happy coz afiq's happy..! yay!

sorry has if you're actually reading this..i raelly, really didn't mean to cancel the trip..seriously..and you not replying my msg only makes me feel worse..seriously..i noe that you're mad at me coz i cancelled it at the last moment..i'm sooooo sorry..i noe that it's quite pointless for me to keep on apologizing but at least reply my msgs? please....? i dunno what i can do or say to make things better, but whatever it is, i didn't mean to do what i did..=(

and to char, you dun stress sooo much..just leave it as it is..show to him that you can live without him..coz, you'll always have me by your side! *muackz*

most probably, gg over to her house on sunday with maz and liyana..i hope that things work out fine..i really dun wan her to quit sch or anything like that..but if she still doesn't want to hear us out, then i really dunno what to do..girl, i've been wanting to gif you a call these past few days but i really dunno when you'll be at home..i just wish that i can ask and find out what's wrong..please..dun keep it to yourself..open up and tell us what you're exactly feeling okie? love ya loads..*muackz*

.:: feel like crying ::.

i feel like crying now..i dunno..i noe it's just a span of a few minutes since my last entry..i msged him in the morning wishing him happy birthday since it's his birthday today..and somehow, deep inside me, i was hoping that he wud reply..then, he act replied..haiz..i dunno..mixed emotions when i was reading the msg..then he asked me whether i'm coming down..i dunno wat to say..so i just said that it depends..haiz~ i think i'm soft hearted..i dunno..so i asked how he was and stuffs..haiz..and in his msg, there was this portion of it, "niwae, sori sports day i tak tegur u..i malu la..cant face u actually.." what's this supposed to mean actually? i dunno..and he addresses himself as I and me as U..i dunno..as soon as i read the msg, i just felt like crying..wat a cry baby huh? i noe..how now?

.:: you're the only one in my heart till eternity ::.

.:: will there be a 4th time? or just frenz? ::.

found out yesterday that afiq's admitted to the hospital..due to some stomach problem it seems..and he undergone the operation in the morning just now, at arnd 4+ in the morning..his sis was the one who told me..she msged me yesterday and told me abt it..honestly, i didn't know how to react..i was shocked at the same time worried for him..couldn't sleep properly last night..dunno whether it was because i was worried for him or because of the fact that i'm tensioning as i'm gg to the hospital to visit him..it's his birthday today..last year, he couldn't celebrate his birthday properly because he was still in the boys' home..this year, he's in hospital..his sister asked me to come down as a surprise for him..hmm..it seems that he told his whole family that i came for sports day as soon as he reached home..and the reason for not even looking at me on that day is because he was shy..or so it seems..and then, his sister asked him what if i were to come down and visit him in the hospital..he said that'll he'll like that..i dunno...will there ever be a 4th time? my intentions of gg to the hospital is just showing my concern as a fren..his sister told me that he doesn't haf a gf..i dunno..haiz~i told myself then that i would not allow a 4th time to happen..but then, i dunno..i haf to be honest with myself rite? but seriously, i dunno..yesterday when i was asking sanah and char whether i shud go, i was honestly expecting a yes from them..i dunno..what am i getting myself into? honestly..haiz~i guess i just haf to see how things are gg to be..go down to the hospital today and see how things go...what i want more now is a proper closure to the ending that we had last time..now, i'm feeling very mixed up inside..i'm quite tensioned..coz i dunno what i'm gg to say and do when i'm there..i dunno..i just hope that he'll be safe and okie..hope that he'll recover soon..
happy birthday to you, afiq..

.:: what now ::.

i just found out that she's quitting sch for real..what now? how gerls? what are we gonna do now? we haf to do something..but the thing is, will she listen to us? hmm..haiz~ why the decision? how i wish that i had talked to you.how i wish that i had the chance to talk to you about this..but i guess, i didn't make the effort..but why? haiz~ i just hope that you'll be able tell me..whatever it is, i really, really hope that you will never ever regret your decision..whatever it is, i'm always here to gif you the undying support that you need..and i'm always here to be your listening ear..remember that..

.:: whoa ::.

had the first lesson with greg just now..hehe..wierd..first time seeing him in long sleeve and all..hehe..not bad..haha..and the class, my gosh..sooooo quiet lah..never before seh..the quietest ever i tell you..muahaha..and all the guys had to sit in the first row..hehe..padan muka..bleaghx..hehe..

aargh..pe..hate it..but nvm..finishing up our five items today..yippee! failed 2.4 by like 30 seconds..what the heck..running again on friday morning..haiz~

finally, my ma's gg to buy that foldable table for me..so that i can do my work in my room..with a proper table..once i get that, i shall start doing work already..i hope..hehe..

.:: had fun ::.

f***..bad start to the day..who else? my ma..haiz~whatever..

went to the beach with maz yesterday..walked in the rain..hehe..went to pp to eat at banquet first..then when the rain lightened up, then we walked to east coast..soooo super duper fun! really had fun man..must go to the beach more often k girl? if you're reading this lah that is..but i think you will...! hehe..=) just realised that so many people fear cats huh? hmmm..hehe..then we say this super duper huge dog lah! i think like twice my size or something..hehe..

ha! today's international garlic day..hehe..listening to perfect ten now and that's what they said..hehe..and all you haf to do is to eat garlic..yucks..bleaghx..

i hope that the mlcs trip will happen..but not that many people are interested..most are not sure all...haiz..

guess what? ms cynthia gg on maternity leave already and greg's taking over! yucks..he was the ny debate coach last time...and then he'll go "this is simply appaling!"..muahaha..whatever..

ooh..the casino thingy is given the green light..die..sure die..mcm mana all this disaster not happening? what is the world turning into? haiz..

can't wait to go out with the gerls..soooo looking forward to it..then meeting khairul on sat for lunch before i go for malay lesson at cikgu's place..and he's actually looking forward to it..bleaghx..whatever..hehe..

desperate housewives yesterday was funny..hehe..hooked to it already..

hahakz..and then, there's a gym that has only allows people of 40yrs and above..muahaha..lolx..damn wierd lah..hehe..geez..

.::w.h.i.r.l.w.i.n.d::.

haiz haiz..so many things happened..so many things that i want to write..but i think, i can't quite remember exactly what..haiz..

::[140405]::
went for the cca management award interview..there were mrs chong, mrs koh, mrs ho, ms sim and this female teacher that i dun really noe hu but seen her arnd sch before..they asked intriguing questions..and there was even one that was like whoa, how am i gonna answer tat? but, i think, overall, it was kinda okie..i think i was like giving politacally correct answers and if not, answers that i noe they expect..so superficial..is everyone like that then? hmmm...

::[150405]::
doomsday..shouldn't even haf went back for mf sports day..haiz..even though it was fun meeting up with the gerls but then, went back to mf and so who wud i see? muhd nur afiq..like d-uh..hmmm..he won a lot of trophies..not bad..and then that stupid farhan said, "abang kau, semenjak dia break ngan kau, ade power eh?" kurang asam punya pak mat..but oh well, whatever..i haf to say something, his hair is like sooooooooooo damn ugly..bleaghx..but apart from that, okielah..still the same..i think he lost weight..he doesn't seem as buffed as last time..san said that he looked at me once..and well, no matter what i say, there's sure bound to be some feelings lingering in me still..can't help it..no matter what i do, still can't forget, even though it's been like 6months+..it made me think back to the last sports day when we were still together then..mummy, i noe i didn't tell you this yesterday..but when we were at yck stadium, i had this crazy feeling that we were still together..coz it felt soo..i dunno..and i did tell you that how i hope that he said hi or something..but you're right..things didn't end nicely and stuffs..but when i think abt it, maybe it's because of that that i'm still feeling the way i'm feeling now..haiz..i kept on asking myself sooo many "if onlys"..but no point..like what you told me, life still has to go on..
got back pw results..not happy with it..after so much slogging..and after so much sleep that i sacrificed..bleaghx..

::[160405]::
huh..guess what? i dreamt of afiq then..whatever..
i'm scared..what's gonna happen when my dad retires?! i feel as if my family's hard up on cash..i dunno..and my dad's retiring soon..dunno what will happen then..shall be more thrifty and not spend money as i like..shall control my hp usage and such..hmm...

::[170405]::
went to kota tinggi for wedding..for the first time after such a long time, i met my adopted uncle's family..my ma told me that they led a hard and a struggling life..but they seem okie now..i wonder why my uncle neva go back and visit them or anything like that..haiz..
suddenly, felt soooo alone and down..started crying for no reason whatsoever..msged sanah and mus hoping to find solace..but then, sanah replied me like an hour later when i felt better already..nonetheless, thanks for the wise words of yours..it's been a while since we really talked on the phone..miss ya soooo much..!

going to the beach with maz today..it was such a spontaneaous thingy man..hahakz..oh well..will meet up with has one of these days to but stuffs..then gg out with the gerls again..*muackz*
sometimes i feel what the heck..i can be myself totally with some and not with others..bleaghx..maybe, it's just me..or maybe it's them..lolx..whatever..

Lonely im so lonely,I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely, im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my owwnnn
Im so lonely

i cant live without you
can't breathe without you
I dream about you
honestly tell me that its over
because the world is spinning and I'm still living
It wont be right if were not in it together
tell me that it's over
And ill be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

.:: sick ::.

haiz..my headache getting from bad to worse..no, not headache..more like migraine..haiz..this morning, the pain has spread to like my cheeks..my goodness..my sis that time until her nose there..what on earth is wrong with me? and then, my back's hurting..worsening too..like haiz..whatever..i dunno..i think i can't be bothered with myself anymore..my frenz scolding me already ah for not taking my medicine..later, they get sick of scolding me, then they also can't be bothered..haiz..i dunno..my ma doesn't know abt my condition though..she'll shout her lungs out if she knew..the next thing i know, she mite even bring me to hospital..goodness..haiz..

checked the symptoms already..but doubt so lah..mine too normal a case..but that time, i heard my ma saying that the symptoms can't really be seen until the final stages or something like that..hmm..but i haf a feeling that instead of that, i mite be having diabetes? muahaha.i dunno..both my parents have it..and my ma always say that if our hands often get 'ants ants', that's a sign..haiz..i dunno..last time, when my dad was suspected of it, it seems that he's always weak..now, i'm like that..always weak..haiz..dunno wat's wrong with me niwae..

to mcb:
don't despair yeah..i noe you guys haf tried your best and at least you guys maintained a silver..there's always the next syf so yeah.. =)

actually, i'm more worried abt what will happen to mr tan..more than anything else..haiz..i think the sch's f***ing unreasonable lah..whatever..can't be bothered..it's always been the unfair treatment anyway..so much for wanting everybody to achieve more and stuffs..yucks..disgusted..bleaghx..

hmmm...trumpet guy..trombone guy..muahaha..lolx.. =)

met the st gab's guy in the bus today..woo hoo..! sat quite opposite him lah..then, he kept looking..hehe..can't believe that i'm liking sooo many guys..nah..impossible..nampak sah, for fun je..haiz..

dreamt of danny last night! dunno why..wierd..hmmm..

i'm sick of school..i'm sick of life..i dunno..haiz..my dad, all that he knows what to do is to scold me everytime i come home..bleaghx..for no reason whatsoever, start scolding me..my ma, as soon as i wake up, start scolding me already..bleaghx..that's why i say..the more i feel like isolating myself from the whole world..haiz..

.:: what on earth is happening ::.

i dunno why..i'm feeling damn sick, tired, stress..all the emotions running wild in my head..i'm freaking as the day goes by..haiz..i dunno..bleaghx..only my own self understand..but at times, i can't even understand..haiz..

wierd things are happenings..i dunno why..like msgs from people that dun msg me..people saying hi to me..and yeah, we are on talking terms already..the one that i've not talked to for like such a loooooooong time..=P

went back to mf for band on monday..not bad..but, i dunno..somehow, i feel scared for them..brr..the bands that are playing on their day are all like gold bands like that kan..but nvm, you guys can do it yeah! dun fear all these people..heck them and do their best...! jia you!!! *muackz*

nah, dun feel like saying anything else..just wanna keep to myself for now..and live in isolation..for a while..

.::buaiz::.

.:: happy moments ::.

::[080405]::
went out with sanah, has, nor and jehan..went to watch samara..was sitting in between nor and jehan..nor was funny..even before the movie started, she was 'begging' me to go home..hehe..funny gerl..then, i think i went deaf eversince coz both of them always happen to scream at the same time..muahaha..=D hahakz..and as usual, lil me just continued eating popcorn and made fun of the actors..muahaha..i think i talked too much then..hehe..then, we went to bugis to take pictures..sooo happy..took twice..wah, mcm okb gitu kan..hehe..and that saniah, supposed to meet us after movie but guess what? she feel asleep while watching the pope's funeral ceremony..funny gerl...these are my frenz..crazy peeps..hehe..

hope can go out more often yeah girls..at least once in two weeks k? *muackz*

::[090405]::
in the morning, went back to mf to pass my junior my band skirt..then stayed to take a look see at them..their syf is on wednesday..haiz..i see them..like not prepared gitu kan..percussion, percussion..haiz..got nothing to say...
then, finally managed to bring adlin to watch spongebob squarepants the movie..after sooo long..hehe..act, mus was supposed to go with me rite..then, he had tuition..so,i went with nor instead..hehe..sooo funny lah..cannot take it..and then, my beloved shepherd met up with us after that..so sweet..hehe..=P i told them that adlin's hard to handle..told ya..hehe..such a fun outing lah..and now, i'm supposed to bring her to watch pooh too..what the heck..terkopak seh that day...haiyoy..

::[100405]::
slacked the whole day at home..lazed around doing nothing..didn't even open my books to study lah..damn disappointed..but what the heck..hehe..

and my whole body's aching lah..cannot take it..haiz..

going back to mf again today to see the band..and somewhere deep inside me, hoping to see that person..shan't name who..dunno why..it's been exactly 6 months now..and suddenly, just thought of him..especially last night when i was watching What Women Want..suddenly, all the thoughts from the past just came to me..and suddenly, i think i miss having a guy next to me..i dunno whether i'm yearning for one..but oh well..i dunno..but, out of all the guys, why him? why must it be him that i think of? haiz..and, there's this guy in sch..the more i look at him, the more i think he looks a bit like him..ada sikit2 ah..not exactly..

was in the same bus as the st gab's this morning..he cut his hair..did i mention abt the incident at amk that night? i think i did..oh well..=)

.:: 2nd entry for the day ::.

do i look pale? seriously? do i? i noe that my eye bags are getting worser and worser by the day..padahal, i had enough sleep wat..i think..that night i placed that revitalising thingy on my eyes wat..did that made my eyes look worse or something like that? haiz..~

only just now, nayali asked me whether i really, really dun like youseetoomuch anymore..not even a little bit at least..now that i thought about it, i think, i still do..a teeny weeny portion of my heart..even though at times i hate him like hell..coz i just realised that if you dun like that person anymore, why should you and why would you be jealous if he talks to another girl? rite? so that's why i say i think i still haf something for him..maybe, until i noe for sure that he doesn't like me..oh whatever..i shouldn't involve myself in this things..

a waste of time i think..

had to do the stupid econs essay..well, completed it already..phew..but i think i wrote crap..what the heck..bleaghx..

people say that nowadays my entry are very random and vague..i think so too..coz by the time i get to the comp, i forgot every single thing that i want to write already..so no point..whatever..i write wat i can..heez..

too tired..only ate like 3 bread until now..no lunch, no nothing..haf to save up for tml, sat and my handphone bill..hate myself..bleaghx..

.:: so happy ::.

met up with my girlfriends yesterday..me, sanah, hasanah, jehan, noraini, saniah..just like the old times..so happy lah..went out, went to take pictures and had dinner at lj..then walked around window shopping at j8..hahakz..i was like practically laughing my heart out..hehe..nor and san with their selamba-ness..hehe..so funny..terkekek aku..hehe..miss them so much..*muackz* love ya all..can't wait for friday's outing..mesti terkekek lagi..confirm hundred percent..hehe..they are thinking of having a chalet for the girls only in june..i hope it menjadi and i hope that i'll be able to stay over..i dun wanna miss out on all the fun man..hehe..i think i shall organize one in december and call back everybody..okie?

ha..and guess wat? i reached home at arnd 8+ coz i just can't sem leave them..hehe..=P and then, my parents weren't at home..they went out and then they locked the bottom lock instead of the normal one..and when they came home, my dad said that it was a warning for me..the next time, they'll change the lock..whatever..sometimes i wonder why they jus dun let me haf more freedom and let me go out with my friends at least..i think it's a damn sad case lah..haiz~

guess who i saw at the bus stop in the morning just now? luqman..or izzit lukman? afiq's classmate..it's been a while since i last saw him.then when he saw me, he kep looking at me..with the kind of look that trying to figure out who i was..haiz~

mf's having their sport day next friday i think..and there's this like alumni race or something like that..it's a relay..hehe..i think i wanna go back and watch..it'll be fun..hoping that i won't meet that *******..hehe..whatever..

the more i look at this somebody, the more i think it looks like afiq...hmm..whatever..

no econs today..that means i haf like 4 1/2 hrs break..hehe..but we must do a keynesian essay and hand it up by today..what the heck..

trying to study last night..in the end, i ended up with my face in the book..hehe..persuasion bores me i think..hehe..what the heck..

bleaghx..

.:: aim ::.

wat was i about to say huh...hmmm..oh, i sort out my study schedule last night already..omg..i just realised that i haf soooo many things to study..haiz..i really, really hope that i can stick to my study schedule..pray hard yeah..my target for the A levels would be an A for malay, B for literature and hopefully a B for econs..i got a C for econs' block test..but i was thinking that's because there's no data response or whatsoever..haiz..must study hard already..cannot slack anymore..hmm...

most prob meeting jehan later..long time neva meet those girls already ah..most prob, on friday, going out with has they all..hopefully menjadi lah eh..miss ya gerlz soooo much man...*muackz*

i hope that she doesn't do what she intends to do..i really, really hope so..how i wish i can talk to her about it..haiz..

ooh..and guess who i saw on the bus on the way to school this morning? hehe..shall not tell you..muahaha..i'm nuts..

i think my mum's like shocked or something like that coz i've been home quite early these two days..well, i think it's too early to say coz it's only been two days..hehe...=P

i got the photo that i toook with fizah already..i think i look wierd..but shannon said i looked nice..maybe i should post it up somewhere or something yeah..then see how it goes..i wanna upload the one i took with fazli and sanah...hehe..still waiting for the photos from fazli..

debate orientation today..

i just realized that i know nothing about persuasion..bleaghx..

.:: exciting? maybe ::.

so irritated..couldn't get into blogger just now..now i only haf like 5 minutes to type my entry before the bell rings and then i haf to go for class..

here's the people for my table for D&D...me, fizah, fidah, esdy, hafiz, fazli, imran, alfian, idzham, fauwaz...only three girls you know..haiz..girls, i'm still not happy coz you guys are not going..=( why not you guys set another table? then can go what..haiz..oh well..

i dunno..this whole thing is like creating all sorts of mess..how i wish things didn't happen..then things wouldn't have neded up this way..haiz..

reached home damn early yesterday..around 3..i think my mum would have like fainted or something if she suffers from heart attack..hahakz..and i went home not to do my work..but i ended up sleeping from like 4-7pm..if my mum didn't call, i doubt i would have woken up niwae..haha..

cikgu nominated me for some kind of thing..but why me ah? i dun wanna go for like interview or anything like that..and she asked for my grades lagi..haiyoy..

honestly, i dun see any potential president for mlcs..oh well..whateverlah eh..haiz..just hope that the next committee can really, really work together and all..^pray^

msged farhan last night..he's having exams soon..so poor thing..

gg out with my beloved shepherd on sat..hehe..everytime i get a msg from him, it never fails to bring a smile to my face..i dunno why..even when i'm in the lowest mood pun..not bad ah..the power of a shepherd..muahaha.=D

.:: sigh ::.

i hate it..i hate it when i am put in a spot..i just hate it..i dunno why...haiz..whatever..why must there be all these problems....?

.:: gotta go ::.

.:: hehe ::.

dun ask me hu i haf a crush on eh..hehe..i very the shy you know..muahaha..nolah..just joking only..hehe..

nice talking to farhan..he sounds nice..hehe..not bad..=)

i'm so happy..my parents said that gpa was well done..hehe..and i heard that my dad wants to gif the whole mlcs a treat or something like that..so happy..really hope that it's gonna happen yeah..hehe..

and for everybody that came for gpa, i really hoped that you all had a lot of fun yeah..heez..=P

.:: SUCCESS ::.

gpa's over!!! had so much fun yesterday working with faz..hehe..looked so much like a pengantin i tell you..hehe..they all said i looked like a doll..nah..and what th heck, my camera couldn't work..haiz..rose and ama gave a rose..so happy..hehe..i think, i muz go get something for faz too..mus and azhar came! sooo happy..long time neva see mus already..glad that he's doing well now..well, mlcs..we did a great job yeah..well done..hehe..

i think i'm having a crush on somebody..hehe..shan't tell you who..

happy gerl now..

.:: emptiness ::.

haha..i dunno..i'm suddenly feeling happy all of a sudden..after a horrible incident..haiz..dun wanna talk about it..dun wanna stress myself coz sat's coming..

everybody's getting ready already in the ml room..in boxes all..like as if somebody's getting married..got bunga manggar also..muahaha..and who's getting married?! me! haha..wat a joke..to who? fazli..hehe..funny me..hehe..i hope everything turn out well yeah..NYJC MLCS ROX! hehe..=P

he replied my message..he said some he really meant it..some he exaggerate..i dunno what he's trying to say lah..nayali says he's shy or something..i dunno..oh well..laugh here, laugh there..haiz..well, i hope he'll do well wherever he is..

sometimes, i just wish that i can just disappear from the face of the earth..

yesterday, all the funny and bad thoughts came to my mind..i was thinking of running away..i was thinking of never to come back home again..when i crossed the road, i wished that the car would actually knock me down..WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ME??????

my dad started the whole nonsense again..he thinks i went home late because i went out with a guy..wat rubbish is that?! hello..mus i always be with a guy 24-7? this is what makes me feel that i shouldn't think about guys..haiz..how i wish that they would find a guy for me instead..coz hello mum and dad..you won't allow your daughter to befriend guys..therefore, this daughter of your won't get married! what the heck..

what rubbish am i talking about?! bleaghx..

i wish, i wish..i wish i can just be myself..i really wish..

why must my entrie sbe so depressing all the time?! haiz..wat to do..

face it..that's my life..