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Went to the zoo on sat with sanah, char, saerah and ian for their geog project..i feel so guilty you know..i mean, everytime also sanah pay for me..i feel so bad..i mean, mcm apa gitu kan..haiz..and i don't seem to be paying her back..i think i should..but where to find the money? dahlah i myself dun haf enough money for myself..my parents think the 5 bucks per day is to much for me..whereas here i am struggling with it..haiz..i really wish i can stretch my prepaid value to at least two weeks and not like every week must top up..haiz..and if i subscribe to line, what happens if i over-use?! gosh..i'm so confused now..and yest, ian msged me and he said that he wants to help me top-up by atm..haiyoy..i feel very wat gitu..everything also pple help me one..haiz..and the thing is he's very persistent and determined to do it for me..i feel very,very guilty..these people are so nice to me..i really dunno how to repay their kindness..thank you so much people! *muackz* such nice people..

what the heck...

haiz..still in school now..you know what? during the june holidays i volunteered at this child care centre and my hours weren't even keyed in! so pissed off..and i was made to do this donation draw tickets that i'm so lazy to do..no time seh..it's like all the while if pple who are holding on to these tickets, approach me, i'll find ways and means to avoid them..now, i'm supposed to do this! gosh..this is mad man..and then, that stupid woman..gave her the 1st draft of written report last week and she's still not done with it yet! how long is she going to take? and we're supposed to hand in the 2nd draft by end of next week..what the heck seh..gosh..feel like kicking her..seriously eh..haiyoy.. so frust..then there's the OCIP thingy..i'm not even sure whether my parents will allow me to go..i handed in the form and had the interview already..what happens if they don't allow me to go? what am i supposed to do?! i'm feeling damn f***ed up now..can't stand it..i don't know why also..suddenly felt this way..AAARGH!!!!! i need to vent out this stupid, pent up anger..i can't take it anymore..!!!!! I NEED HELP HERE! gosh..i need to go somewhere to chill man..seriously..but how to? can't never find the time to..haiz..i alike to keep everything to myself so much, and this is the result ah..haiz..there's something else...

^ paranoia ^

I've not been feeling well man..been having constant headaches all the time..i wonder what's wrong with me..been to the doctor and got the medicines but i just can't seem to eat them at the specific time. haiz~ oh well..guess what? promos is in like 40 days and i'm so not prepared for it..been slacking all the way..i shouldn't even be here typing this..i should actually be studying! gosh..oh well. i need some chill time yeah.
i think i'm always being paranoid. coz i think that he's fine but just because of certain words that he used or just because he reacted in certain ways make me feel that the relationship now feels different and is just not like before. i don't know why. maybe, i'm feeling insecure somehow. oh well..the thing is right, i can't seem to tell him what i'm actually going through. been there, done that. it never work. i was being serious but there he was laughing all the way..who wouldn't be pissed?! gosh..he doesn't seem to be taking things seriously..it's like he always wants me to tell him my problem and everything but he himself is not doing that! so maddening..i wouldn't want myself to be stressing about this whole relationship but i just can't help it..haiz..i think i'm asking too much from him..am i? we rarely spend time together now also..most of the time, he'll be with arab and luqman..nobody else..they are like his girlfriends you know..so fed-up..oh well..so much for priorities huh?
last night, i was on the phone with fangrui for like 1 1/2 hr..and shaun was at his house..and shaun tot that i was still wif taufiq! so laggy..hehe..:p and you know what? i tot that he was joking that time abt chio-ing me but he was serious! haha..maybe he was being despo..God knows..hehe..oh well..whateverlah eh..i'm not gg to let history repeat itself..i should be learning from my mistakes..haiz~
i think i'm writing too much already..beta go now and go do my work..till me next time...toodles^