...

finally baked the cookies.wanted to the day before yesterday but i found out that the brown sugar is gone..haish~ n i so wanted to eat at LJ yesterday..grr..

my ma started talking to me yesterday..tt's a good sign isn't it?

my frenz said that there's a possibility that it's appendix..but i tink, nah..i heard it's fatal..a useless organ that's fatal..interesting..hmm..i'll go to the doc if the pain comes back yeah..

a long day today..bleaghx..tired..so tired..

parent's day tml..haven't even told my ma abt it..yikes..i'm freaking out..grr..bad timing for a parent's day i think..

miss my lembu..moo..

wat's the world turning into?

everything seems to be so messed up rite now..my life, my studies, my family..but only him stand true..haish~

i dunno wat i want out of myself..everything seems to be gg crazy..

had a piercing pain in my stomach last nite..couldn't slp..haish~

a waste of time?

oh gosh..i so din noe wat happened between me and him yesterday..haish~ but oh well, at least we've both put it past behind us, or under wateva he wants..i love you..

can't believe tt he knew i was crying when we were 'thrashing' it out..

and i've yet to give him the present..

why can't my mum understand me for who i am?

life sucks..grr..

.:; cloud nine ::.

so excited..tml's our 1st month anniversary..hehe..

time flies fast doesn't it..

life has neva been so great before..

mardi malala marianne..tt's wat ed calls me..why? go figure..

am i supposed to be grateful or wat?

i went out with him yesterday..walked from bishan to amk central and we walked back all the way to my house..neva did something so crazy in my life before..hahakz..niwae, we met my second sis and her husband while i was walking home..shit..no escape lah..and she went like "oi, gi dating ke?"..bleaghx..wateva..i told them he's my classmate or something..hahakz..and he actually went to salam both of them and they smiled at him..how nice..at least they din like growl at him or something rite..hehe..but my sis promise to keep the secret for me..she just told me to be careful and dun let my dad finds out abt it..but, seriously, am i supposed to be grateful for wat she's willing to do for me? hmmm..i think so..

we kinda manage to talk things out..a bit..before we were interrupted by the presence of my sister..i just hope that things will be fine..i just hope that she'll be able to come to terms with it..coz i'm trying to myself..coz i can't bear to like lose him even though we just started..he's just someone so special who means a lot to me..and he knows that coz i told him that..

it's racial harmony day today..but the people all nt sporting...all neva wear..just a few people only..but hey, missing out on a lot of action..hehe..(^-^)

=iamconfused=

i dunno why he got so worked up abt it last nite..izzit because of her? as in, it's such a coincidence rite..haiz~ oh well..i hope that we'll be able to talk things out..hopefully..this time, i'm trying to be as honest as i possibly could..i hope that it doesn't backfire on me or something like that..i shall pray hard..

our 1st month is this coming sunday..hmm..i noe that it's just been one month but yeah, he's able to make me feel so special wen i'm with him..i hope that it's not something that's like momentary or wat lah..i hope that i can feel this way forever and ever..hehe..

finally, after some thought abt wat to get for him, i've decided after much help..i'm gg to buy a nice little box from Kalm's or Precious Moments..and then, i shall either bake muffins of choc chip cookies for him..put the, in the nice little box and put some candies that are selling at precious moments that char told me abt..and then i bought this black corrugated cardboard thingy and gg to make like a card out of it or something..write nice stuffs..hehe..and paste like paper stars and hearts on it..haiz~ and all that needs a hell lot of money..haiz~

i'm feeling guilty..he smiled at me just now and i dunno why i was like happy and pleased..haiz~ i wished him on his birthday..and he cant believe that i act remembered..oh well..shudn't be feeling this way..

"it screams in me silently"..tt's his msn nick..i wonder..hmm..

.:: not as smooth sailing as it shud be ::.

you know..sometimes things just dun happen the way that we wish it would happen..and when we finally decide to take a step, things just turn out bad..and that's exactly what happened yesterday for me, him and her..he finally decided to tell her that he's gg out with me and then she became balistic and was shouting at the top of her lungs and what not..n i din noe how to react..i was like so shocked..and when he was confiding in me, i reali din noe wat to say coz i was afraid that i mite say things that will possibly make him feel worse or something..haish~ n when i did say something, he just told me to go on with wateva i'm doing coz he needed to pack his bag and he 'kap' my phone..haish~and so, i din feel gd lah..haish~ switched off my phone after that, without realizing that he was trying to call me after that..sorry..honestly, i think i'm feeling insecure..but, what to do..i think that maybe it's not her fault for feeling that way after being together for almost 3yrs..but, it's over isn't it? there's no point in her brooding over it i feel..i'm trying to be as understanding and rational as possible..i just hope that this is just a test for the both of us..and i hope that we can still stay strong in spite of all this..now, he kept on asking me why i switched off my phone coz i always dun...i din noe wat to answer..i told him that maybe i just felt like i wanted to be alone..tt's all..is tt a good answer in the first place? only god knows..

hmm..

study plan is out..just need to put in into action..bearing in mind that i'll haf other distractions..just hope that i'll be able to make it..able to stick to what's planned..insya'allah..

the comp..it's screwing up..

i saw her that day at the library..hard at work..and the topic of her came up again between us..but i hope that things gonna work out..love ya darling..

nothing much to say..my mood last time came back again..

i wana watch fantastic four..but everybody else watch already..haish~

life sucks..again..

bleaghx..i think it's my fault but i dun think it is for getting scolded last nite..i just can't stand my family nagging at me when i just woke up, about to leave the house or i just reached home..i simply can't stand it at all..n yeah, tt's wat my dad did yesterday..as soon as i reached home, h went on and on and on..grr..wateva..

kecoh..yeah..that's what people describe me as..but diff people, diff definitions..wateva..=/

i'm in a foul mood these past few days and i'm still feeling it..i miss EC..i miss sitting there and just relaxing..i wanna go there and have a peaceful mind..i dun wanna be thinking abt too many things..there are too many things in my head rite now..i can't stand it..grr..

here's wat my dad said, "kau punya exam dah habis kan..kenapa kau masih nak belajar lagi?" go figure..

i feel like crying..again..my old me is coming back..n i dun want this..i dun like it..

i wanna lead an easy and carefree life..

.:: dun wanna be thinking at all ::.

tried to get started to study yesterday but it just seems impossible..somebody help me!!!! yikes..

now i know what it feels like..when i dun eat outside, my ma doesn't cook n i go hungry..n when i do eat outside, she cooks, like nasi ayam..bleaghx..wateva man..and for that, i got scolded?! geez..it's not fault..she hardly cooks on mondays and tuesdays niwae..so i assumed..wateva man..n early in the morning, she just had to scold me for that..

n the most annoying thing ever is that, she'll just stare at me until i get out from my bed..n she starts yakking away non-stop..grr..

been in a foul mood these past few days..especially in the morning..mood swings..dunno why..n now, my 'dun-feel-like-talking' mode is back..so yeah..dunno what's wrong with me..

learn something abt him yesterday..it seems that small little things will get back to him and will really ruin his day or something like that..he himself told me..so yeah, and honestly, i think so too..n he said that it'll be hard to please him when he's in that way..but it's ok darling..i'm always here, n will always find ways and means to make you feel beta..hehe..

the world is really small..as in, his friend is a friend of fyda or something like tat..the friend whom he said that my name was fatimah..wateva..hehe..n yesterday, he gave me another name, mariam..god knows why he like all these kinda names so much..geez..hahakz..and he told me that there's this person whose name is bakar bin hitam..hahakz..sorry if i offended anybody but yeah..the malay language..so interesting..

niwae, talking abt malay, i think i screwed up for my malay oral..bleaghx..dun wanna talk abt it..

weird question..weird ending to the conversation last nite..hope that it'll neva come true..luv u darling..

can't wait for tml..why? because i'll be meeting him..hahakz..n can't wait for friday too coz i'll be meeting my gerls and him..hehe..

.:: everything seems to be beta ::.

feeling so sleepy now..cannot stand it..in the bus tertido tak agak2 seh..hehe..

got back my malay results yesterday..not that bad..but it's soooo frustrating when such a thing happens..nvm..

went to meet him yesterday..cannot stand it..we met up at Sembawang..went to Sun Plaza..had nowhere to go so we ended up going in and out of the shopping mall..mcm org giler..haish..in the end, we just chilled at the library..comfy and cosy sofa they haf there..hehe...nice..to cuddle2..hahakz..nolah..jk..=p then i saw ikhsan..i din think he still remembered of recognised me for that matter..so he smiled n i smiled..n i scared later fadh thinks i'm smiling at other guys in front of him! yikes! n it seems that there's this gerl in his class hu has a crush on him..hmm..dream on gerl..he's mine..hahakz..! wateva man..hehe..

malay oral today..bleaghx..i haf a feeling i'm gg to tersasul in english..yikes!

ian cooked for us fish today..got some slices of bananas i think..sho nice of him..hehe..thank you ian! can't wait to get my hands on it..hehe..

a fren of mine said that we are on honeymoon period..he says that it'll be different after 6 mths where most of the feelings would be gone..hmm..i hope not seh..i dun want it to be that way..bleaghx..

i miss him..=(

pure romance? pure jealousy? go figure..

she called him alst nite..for wat, i simply haf no idea..but niwae, it seems that he doesn't want to let her noe abt our relationship just yet..no wonder he din approve the testi that i wrote for him..niwae, my mood was totally bleaghx wen he told me that..coz i was just wondering why he din want to..is he still concerned abt her? i dunno..if he doesn't wanna be frenz with her, then why shud he be rite? tsk tsk..i dunno lah..but i read somewhere once that most of the time it is abt the ex-es that couples fight abt..n now that i think abt it, we shud not be..so yeah, ain't gonna blow it up..just gonna chill..

but then, he said nice things after he knew that i was not really happy with the way things are..n yeah, the thing is, he never fails to put a smile on my face..thx..haven't been having such a wonderful with a guy after such a long time..thx darling..

niwae, to my dearest gerls..you guys are funny..or shud i say we are funny..hehe..the testi thingy that's gg on on friendster..hahakz..i'm having so much fun with that act..hehe..

i miss my gerls..soooooo much..it's been a while since i last saw them..i mean, i see sanah, met up with has that day n saw J once..but, i wanna see everybody gether2 all..hehe..

the things that i do with him, are i think the wierdest things that couples would ever do..we find pleasure in gg arnd singapore to find nice places to get food..hahakz..just that day we went to Tekka to haf lunch..next pit stop will be Haig Rd..dunno where's tt? go figure..hehe..

i'm soooo in love with you...('v')

.:: second entry..terrible start to the day ::.

got back my econs results..i noe that i din study for it..i noe that..i noe that i was gonna do badly for it.but not as badly as it turned out to be..this is bad..bleaghx..and wat's the worst part is that the teachers says it straight in your face that he's disappointed with you and your results..out of the 4 papers that i got back, he said it for three papers..and that's wat makes me feel horrible..the fact that he actually expected me to do better and yet, i give him shitty results..how am i gonna answer to my parents?! yikes..meet-the-parents session..that's the day that i'm so not looking forward to..escaped it last year but i doubt i can escape it again this year..wat if my parents need to see the principal and wat not? i can sense it..hell's breaking loose..yikes!

n i dun like it..wateva it is..bleaghx..=(

enough is enough..gotta get down to studying..whether i like it or not..gotta show to the world that i am capable of achieving results..i'm gonna to be in study mode..from when? maybe today? tml? but yeah, i think i'm gg to be the mardiana that i was back then in Year 1..have to..time's running out..prelims is like in 7 weeks time? and then, before i know it, it'll be the A's..already..

study..study..study..tt's all tt i'm gg to do..n once in a while, i'm gg to spend time with my darling and my frenz..

till then..

[so many things happening..dunno what to do..dunno what to think..]

neva had so much fun taking pictures before..hehe..sho sweeet..i like..hehe..went to toa payoh to take pics..hehe..and because of tat, i went home late..but as usual, came up with some kind of excuse..wonder how long this excuse thingy gonna last..it's not gg to happen once i'm out of sch..haiz~

i wonder why he doesn't accpet my testimonial..hmm..izzit because he doesn't want nadia to see? hmm..two testimonials already you know..takkan he neva get..impossible..haiz~bleaghx...

had a super strange dream 2 nights ago..

he deleted his friendster account i think..i wonder why..couldn't find him..oh well, not that it bothers me or anything..

D&D at Pan Pac..here i come..hehe..wonder what am i gonna wear huh..hmm..skirt? pants? people, help me decide..hehe..

my ma din wake me up lah today..hehe..n i was super close in not coming coz i woke up late..my shower time had to be cut short..so not fun..bleaghx..

school starts today..boring..=(

seeing the people arnd me being happy makes me happy too i guess..i figure it out..i dunno why but everytime when i watch something on tv even if it has nothing to do with me, i'll just smile..i'm nuts..hehe..

oh well, love you lembu..hahakz..*muackz*

...heaven's wat i feel wen i'm with you...

just given him a testi..i wonder wat his reaction will be..hehe..

went to watch "A Lot Like Love" yesterday with him..such a nice movie..hehe..and such a nice date..hehe..he's sho sweeeeet! hehe..*muackz* to my darling..hehe..

i'm like soooo in love lah now..

i dunno..being with him somehow makes me want to study hard..to show that i'm not distracted..and i shall start studying..from this week onwards maybe..or next week..hehe..

so far so good..

hmm..i think he's a mean guy when he's sick..haiz~ he kept on like scolding me like tt..but i think i'm one annoying and irritating gerl niwae..haiz~but i think it's the way that he is..but apart from tt, he's okie..

then somebody asked me whether i'm with him coz i'm talking to him on the phone..hahakz..wateva..hehe..

haiz~supposed to meet him today go watch a lot like love..but he's sick..then never get to see him..haiz~ then i offered to accompany him then he dun want..at least i will get to see him..oh well..suka hati lah eh..haiz~

no mood..just finished exam..last paper today...moodless..nowhere to go..coz plans all spoilt..bleaghx..