Big money, big money

Money matters are always ever so sensitive. I find myself in the middle of many people, many things. It's such a sensitive topic.

Often, some will approach me and ask if they could borrow money from me. To some, I refused to budge, to some I relented. However, what happens when it's a family member? I find myself ever so selective on who I give in too. Then again, past experiences of not paying back in time makes me bitter.

And I find it harder when the relative tells me, "Please don't let your mum know or any of my family members know ok?"

Why did I do Social Work?

A group of SW1101E students came to the hospital for their required agency visit for the module. This time round, it was different compared to the previous rounds as the students came in the morning, and not only that, there were more of them who were thinking of doing Social Work as a major.

I brought one student along with me for my intake interview and it made me to think again, why did I do social work. While I was sharing with her the things that we do in the hospital, the challenges faced as a medical social worker, I realised that I do find satisfaction in the job, but somehow I just did not realise it. She asked me, what made me to choose Social Work. And I just told her, if you want to help people, if you like to work and interact people, then I guess you’d want to do the job. Somehow, it’s a calling. And she asked if my parents were supportive in my decision to do Social Work. Just like any other parents, they were initially not very supportive, but over time, they began to accept it.

I wanted to help those in need. I wanted to make a difference in their lives. I wanted to do things that will be able to form smiles on their faces, which in turn makes me happy.

And have I achieved at least one of the above so far?

Yes.

My life for the past one week or so....
First of all, Selamat Hari Raya to all my Muslim friends!! :) Maaf zahir batin ye, makan dan minum yang tak sempat dibayar balik, harap halalkan k? :)

Raya this year was a little bit different. Why you may ask. Well, there are so many pple around me who are getting married in the next two months!!! Two of my guy cousins who are both my age are getting married in Oct, a female cousin who's a year older is getting married in Nov, my brother-in-law's sister is getting engaged in Nov. My oh my. And, although relatives have been asking me the same ol' question every year, and i give them the same ol' answer everytime, this time round, the frequency of the questions seem to be more. SHeesh~ And the question is: When is your turn? And my mum has blatantly and comfortably told my auntie that if God-willing, she'll want to marry me off next year. Well done Mummy! But I guess these issues are the central issues in our lives when you've reached a particular age or stage in life.

Sayang, thankiew very much for sharing what you've been thinking about with me. I truly appreciate it and I'm sure that it takes a lot of courage from you to share it with me, fearing what my response or reaction will be. And I've never doubt your love for me, don't worry. I love you very much and will always do. And I'm eager to start the new phase / journey in our lives together. You've never failed to amaze and impress me time and time again. And you'll be the most respected and commendable boyfriend ever. *muacks*

It was his birthday yesterday. But he wanted me to go down to Lot1 as he shared that he had a surprise for me. And the whole day I couldn't stop thinking on what the surprise could be.

Could it be a party? Could it be something that he bought for me i.e iPhone? Could it be a ring?

I tell you, I couldn't focus at work at all. And so, I made my way down to Lot1 to meet him and I was getting excited as the clock ticked by.

We met. We said hello. He gave me a small tub of Strawberry Meiji Yoghurt. And in my head I was thinking, "Is this the surprise that he was talking about? How disappointing." But he didn't say anything. But well, the yoghurt was really delicious niwae. And so we walked and walked and he said.
Akhim: I saw this brochure about mooncakes and watnots and as I was looking through, they were selling Halal snow skin mooncakes. And I was thinking of buying them for you and surprise you.
Me: Really?!?!?!?!
Akhim: Ya, but the thing is I left the brochure in camp. Haha~

Nonetheless, we still managed to find the shop. It was The Royals. And yes, the Love bought for me the snow skin mooncakes that I've been craving for. Yummylicious~ Thankiew Sayang!!!

Happy Birthday Cowey Love

19 August 2010
A very special day indeed. It is the birthday of a very important soul, someone who is very dear to me. His existence has impacted my life a great deal.

To Akhim Sayang,

A very happy birthday to you. Hope that you've had a good 23years of fun and excitement, with many, many nuggets of wisdom that you can carry through with you for the rest of your life. And may the many years to come bring greater joy and more wonderful life experiences for you. You'll soon be embarking on a new stage of your life, and I'll be here to walk through it with you.

Your laughter and positive attitude has always been one that never fail to cheer me up in times of sorrow. You've been a wonderful partner, lover and most importantly, you've been a great friend to me. Your presence in my life is very much appreciated and I thank Allah for the fate that brought us together, and giving us the opportunity to be with one another.

Having said all that, let's not forget how whacky a person you are. Always thinking you're 17years old (well, now you're 18 ok?). Always going "heeheehee~" with that cheeky smile on your face when you have got nothing to say and feeling guilty. Well, don't get me started on all the funny things that you do. Then again, all these are what makes you, you. ("v")

Happy Birthday Akhim Sayang~

How do I say this without offending anybody. Hmm~ Lemme think about it.........

I feel that one should try to do things, or want something that is within their means.

There's this particular fear in me that is indescribable, unexplainable.

Dear Anorexic, please get well soon ok? :) I know that you're a strong girl, and I know you'll get through this. :) I'll keep you in my prayers and don't worry too much about not being able to fast. Your health is far more important than anything else. The Lil Misses will come and throw bananas at you soon k? Till then, promise us that you'll take care of yourself. Hwiting~ *muacks*

It's the month of Ramadhan once again. The serenity that this month brings is simply fantastic, calming. :)

Lately, I feel that I'm having insecurities. A certain part of me feels very low in esteem. Like I'm not slim enough for you, like I'm not pretty enough for you, like I'm just not 'whatever' enough for you. Maybe, I'm really am not. Will you still love me? Will you still love me all the same?

It was a lot of effort convincing Mummy to go out to City Hall to watch the fireworks yesterday. Nevertheless, I managed to, and she seemed to be enjoying herself, being able to watch the jetplane vroom past above her head, an experience that she does not get if she were to watch the parade from  home. I think to a certain extent, Mummy has a lil boy aspect in her, like how she loves to watch bike race on TV and how she used to nejoy watching wrestling. Anyhow, I still love her the same. :)

Anorexic, Schizo and Sleeping Disorder were there too, somewhere out there. Haha! But I did not get to see either one of them. Love was there too.

Sometimes, I question myself with regards to the things that I do. Haish~

My right wisdom teeth are acting up. My gums are swelled up I think. It's so uncomfortable. I cant even bring myself to chew on the right side anymore. Sheesh~ Dear gums and teeth, bear with me for two more weeks alrite? I'll bring you to visit the dentist soon.

Hello there. :) It's been a while hasn't it? A summary of my life so far.....HAHAH! Just kidding.

It's the month of AUGUST!!! It's Akhim's birthday month! Sexciting~ Had a 'low-profile' celebration this year, just between the two of us, compared to previous years where I'd have a big celebration with his family and friends etc. Fun, fun, fun.

Thank God, this year, has been a relatively good year for us, and I hope that the years ahead will be much, much better. :) God willing~

Big night tonight. I'm such a coward that I feel like chickening out. Eeek~

It was the loves' commencement yesterday. Attended their ceremony with The Love. We looked like we were selling flowers, at least I did. Haha! And while waiting for them to finish, we attacked the food first! Hungry people we were. Now I know why by the time I came out last year, there was no more food left. It's all because of people like us. Haha!

I had fun. I wore my graduation robe once again. So proud of every single one of them. :) Happy for you people! And finally, I got to take photo with The Love in my graduation robe. After exactly one year later. Heh~ And I think looking at all the graduates, he desires and wish to do so too. :) *hugs*

Exciting Friday coming right up! I'm super, duper excited~ WoooooHooooo~ And no people, I'm not THE rich girlfriend ok? Haha~

I've always thought that BT will be further for me than him. But ho ho ho~ I always tend to reach home earlier than him, from BT. And I think BT is our new fav hangout place. :) Dinner at Adam Road, chillout at BT. Much loved. ("v")

He's going to be busy with SYOG trainings and rehearsal. Sad. :( I saw his schedule and it was like 6am - 11pm. 8pm-3am. Haiz~

"Oh shit..Germany lost??" First words from the office early in the morning. Too many unexpected-s in this year's WC.

On a random note, don't "honey" or "hunz" me if you're going to "honey" or "hunz" others. Endearing terms that you use for your partner/gf, you don't use it on ur friends.

In life, you'd always have your good moments and not so good moments. What's important is to ensure that you have a balance of both at any point in time. It's not healthy to be one sided most of the time. You might think I'm blabbering right now. But hey, it's true isnt it? Well, maybe to a certain extent.

I was on the bus to work this morning, and there's always this married couple with their son whom I always (ok, most of the time) see. The wife goes to work, the husband sends the kid to school. What amazes me is that, the couple hardly talks to each other in the bus. The wife will be more interested to entertain the son, and when the son and husband alights from the bus, the wife will give the kid a kiss. What about the husband? Not even a goodbye. It makes me wonder, when a couple gets married, do you subconsciously love your children more than your own spouse? Quite a sad fact isnt it? Love between a couple, or efforts in maintaining the love shouldn't stop when you get married. Well, I guess, no doubt that when you get married, it's more than just love that binds the couple together. It's the responsibility and commitment as well.

Sometimes you realise the meaning of your own actions, but you're just in denial. It takes a third party to make you realise. But with some self-reflection, it makes you realise as well, I'm sure. And with some form of assurance and security, it makes it all well once again.

Nice retreat from the work in the evening. :) It'll be nice to pamper oneself and chill out at those places. It feels so far away from the busy city life, although it's just alongside the main road. Ironic huh? But nice...And I still want to go to Island Creamery. Boo~

I have been having too many thoughts in my head for the past few days. And I wonder why I suddenly this many thoughts in my head. It's distracting, depressing. I wonder if I'm thinking too much for my own good. Haha~ But then again, oh well~

My boyfriend's too popular with girls. Haha~ And I'm sure at any one point in time, they definitely have some kind of feelings or attraction towards him. But oh well. Knplah boyfriend aku hensem sgt (Why must my boyfriend be so handsome).

There's a still a part of me that wants to feel oh, so secure.

To be sitting down, deciding and listening to insurance and savings plan, makes me feel so...adult? It made me realize that I should not be playing around anymore. Money is crucial, sad but true.

Sometimes, things just make you feel that you cannot hold it on any longer. Then again, it makes you wonder what is making you to be holding on right up to this moment. I don't quite like it when such thoughts make their way into my mind. It's disturbing, it's saddening, it makes me emotional.

How will I know if I'm making the right decisions in life?

As we were talking to a friend, he was saying, "What if girls out there are settling for Mr Right Now, and not Mr Right?"

How will you ever know such things?

Took a break from work. Went out for lunch with Akhim, his aunt and his cousin @ Hotel Rendezvous. The sumptuous lunch buffet kept me filled till the end of the day. :) Thank you Umi.

Went to watch Eclipse, without watching Twilight and New Moon. Heh~ Honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it will be. But breaking the vampires' bodies just like that, it made them looked like mannequins instead! But to love two people concurrently? Is that even possible? She seemed so sure, yet so unsure. Heh~

Had to let it out, had to talk about it. But it made me feel worse. Seriously, is it that hard for you to understand?? And it was less than one hour ago that I told you about it, and I saw similar words being used again. Cmon~ You said that you understood, but did you really? I'm sorry if I had dissed you with the words that I used in the conversation over lunch. I know I have my own weaknesses and faults as well. Thankiew for pointing it out to me. I admit that I might be in the wrong, to say such things in front of you. But it felt like a total slap on the face when you said that you didn't feel that what you did was wrong, and that you don't have anything to say. I even guessed your thoughts to the situation correctly. Honestly, I'm so tired to keep having to say it over, and over again. It is small little things like this that gets to me. Gosh~

I guess I should just keep quiet in the future. I guess I should just let you do and say what you want. Even though it might affect me in one way or another. Maybe, only after stumbling will you then realise. Isn't that how you are niwae? Haiz~ Maybe it's better to just keep it to myself, because I know that your reaction will always be the same and never changes.

Maybe, just maybe...

There have been some things that you used to do, that I was not very happy about it. And you'll keep defending saying that it's you, that's how you lead your life. And you were fixed on me having to adapt to you. Fair enough.

But I don't understand why sometimes, it just doesn't get to you that sometimes the things that you do, the things that you say, it's misleading to the people whom you are talking to. You will then say, it's their problem what they want to think. But do you know how emotionally draining and psychologically draining it is on me.

A big NO-NO, is to call a 'galfren' of yours honey. Seriously, what kind of msg are u trying to send? Honestly. And the worst part was, you laughed it off, coz you're thinking in your head "why is she over-reacting? i'm just talking to a friend, that's all". That's what YOU think.

Now you see, it's things like this that makes me tired of saying anything at all.

And yes, girls are particular abt small lil things. I thought you identify 'galfren' as your female frens, don't you? Sorry, but I'm being a lil sensitive over here.

And until you understand what I'm saying here, and what I've been trying to say all these while, I refuse to say anything more.

There's a lot of things on my mind.......And I don't even know where to start....

• A friend was asking me a question with regards to relationship as she and her bf were having issues and there were definitely things that she has been unhappy with in the relationship. She was asking if one is expected to get used to the fact that over time, in a relationship, the other party tend to be less romantic or just can't seem to be bothered anymore. Personally, I feel that it's not fair to get used to it, but sometimes, when two people get so comfortable with each other, I guess, sometimes, small lil things like this tend to be overlooked. However, just because you've been together in a relationship long enough, doesn't mean that all efforts in maintaining the romance in the relationship should go just like that.

• I used to hear that when a couple is together for 10 years, the chances of getting married and settling down is rather low. My psychologist friend told me that the peak period of loving someone is 7years. And after that, efforts need to be made to maintain the love and watnots in the relationship. How true is it? I'm not sure. .

• Things have been brought up to a greater level at home. Why do the old folks have to resort to all this? No doubt I know that they get worried if I'm home late etc. But is there a need to resort to whatever that they're resorting to? When I didn't tell them, they made so much noise about me not telling them where I went when I'm home late. Now that I made the effort to tell them, they are still unhappy about it. How old am I that I will still need a curfew? It's not that I'm home after midnight you know. I will know how to take care of myself, that I can assure you. Personally, I want my life, and I need my life. My life does not equal to me staying at home all the time. What more can I say. At the end of the day, I go home too rite? You want me to be home on Sundays, I do that. There are just things that I want to do outside apart from going to work and come home. I want to spend time with my friends, mingle around with my friends and do things that I enjoy doing. Have you ever listened to my point of view? Have you ever listened to what I want? Have you ever?

• Sometimes, have you ever felt like you're being a hindrance to someone else's life?

I'm only 23, but why do I have to think about so many things? Gosh~

Seriously, how can anybody be so ngek? I mean, you're complaining that I don't respect you enough when I don't tell you that I'm coming home late. Fair enough, so I tell you. You still make noise, this time round, it's about another thing. C'mon. Seriously, you want to coop me up in the house issit? I don't know what to say already lah.

Another annual trip to Boya, this time round, with different family members. Haiz~ I'm getting bored of it. Haha! Why can't I go to somewhere else in the month of June? Like Korea, China, Australia. Sounds so much better doesn't it? :p Heh~ 11 days sound super long man. And 5days in Boyan. Goodness gracious. I think I might just drop dead and die.

I'm going to miss everybody. And what made it worse was that the start of my leave is Por-Por's last day at work. Colleagues come and go but friendship will always remain. Don't forget about me ok, Por-Por? Rmb to keep in touch.

Am presently at the holding area. Flight's at 1630hrs I think. And I'm feeling all sleepy and groggy. Can I not go Mummy? Please.....~