Avenue Q

Went to watch Avenue Q.

"The Internet is for porn! The Internet is for porn! Grab your d*** and double click!"

I can't help but to type that line out. The whole segment was just hilarious and fun too! =P And no, it doesn't reflect any psychological thing that's going on in my head. I just know that if Sayang were to watch it, he'll enjoy it as much. =)

"It sucks to be me.......It sucks to be me.......It sucks to be you........"

Seriously, I don't even noe. So ya. Let it be that way then...........

Satisfied

As I was trying to squeeze through the crowded passageway at the traffic light crossing towards Bugis St, I heard two meluat sounding girls behind me.

"I feel so much shorter standing behind him. *giggles*

Bla bla bla.

I reached out my hand to hold his hand, and I heard an immediate spontaneous response:
"Oopsie"

And I felt a great sense of satisfaction that was rushing in my body. Ho Ho Ho.

All sorts of thoughts...

I'm beginning to hyperventilate as the clock ticks by. Gosh. So much for me wanting to work my ass off this sem. All talk no action once again. Wth~ -.-"

This coming week sounds like a crazy week to me, but it sounds even crazier for my babygerls who are Lit majors. Hwiting pple! And exam's like in what, 3wks time? Great. Time just seemed to fly past me just like that. Truly, time waits for no man. The next thing I know, I'll be in my graduating sem already. Gosh~

Sayang and TK picked up a new hobby --> playing the harmonica. Fishing and harmonica. How cute. Haha~ So the whole Friday was spent with them, playing the harmonica everytime, everywhere. As long as their hands were free, they will whip out their new toy and start playing. I did get a chance to try, and my oh my, it's definitely not easy, but for sure it was interesting. I would like to learn how to play too, but I wanna learn how to play the keyboard as well. Anyhows, I think I want a drumset at home. Haha~

The coming two years. Two years of agony? Misery? Loads of missing? But all I know for sure is that it marks another stage in the relationship.

Niwae PY, I think denim skirts are cool. Haha~

Anxiety

The date is set. I'm feeling anxious, yet nervous. Gosh.

Two months plus to go.

I'll take good care of you before you go to a far, far away island.

i wonder...

I wonder... Did the issue caused to behave or treat me differently? Honestly?

Perhaps, I am thinking too much.

But I dunno why, sometimes I feel as if you treat me differently after what had happened.

Haiz~

When..When are we ever going to talk about it?

mad rush

I feel as if my life is a mad rush.

My life surfing the net and doing all things possible, I haf to do it in one hr flat.

Why?

WIFI credit. RM$8/hr. Daylight robbery or wat?

Random

On a totally random note.

Proscrastinator is my middle name.

I hope things are getting better.

Never have I felt so supported by the mother before.

I hope things will never have to end up that way for him to realize things.

To end this off, I think PY is losing her mind. Haha!

Feigning ignorance is bliss?

I guess life is better when you don't know certain things. If knowing only causes great hurt and upset, I'd rather not know. I must learn how to gather my courage and be strong to face all these.

At the end of the day, I will seek comfort in the fact that the love is still as strong.

I love you, Sayang. And for all that I've done, I'm sorry...

Hurting in silence....

I'm feeling such pain in me as well.

The whole thing is making me look an idiot, a bitch and what have you.

So it doesn't matter what I say. You think I'm being unreasonable? Petty? Stupid?

And now even my own friend thinks I'm being an idiot as well. Great.
To the fren: I'm sorry if I had sounded harsh towards you. Honestly, it's not your fault. I never did blame you or the trip. I'm sorry.

How I wish you could do things to please me once in a while. At least make me feel that my words or response matter to you.

And to you: I really dunno what else to do to make you understand me, to make you understand how I really think. Maybe, you should talk to your female colleagues more and ask them about it.

It hurts me inside to feel that you make me look ugly, perhaps.

Sigh~

I really dunno what else to do.

crazy week, crazy month

Projects after projects after projects. Presentation after presentation after presentation. Dangs~

And I have my own social life to worry about. My own priorities in life.

Someone said that I should learn how to think for myself too, and do things for myself as well. Oh well~

What I need now, is a good massage from head to toe and a relaxing time to go with it.

But can I get it? Nah~

Sometimes words are not taken seriously

My heart aches and I don't know why.

Sometimes he makes me feel as if the things that I told him about all these while, were never taken seriously.

If your partner tells you things that he or she doesn't like you to do, coz it makes him/her uncomfortable, will you still do it? Which is more impt? Caring for the emotions of your partner or your own excitement, and occupying your time?

I said something that I doubt he heard, or could have pretended not to hear. I'm having such a difficult time coming to terms with certain things. But then again, I really don't know.

There's nothing to cry about, Mardiana. Why are you even tearing up? Gosh~

I've gotta learn how to deal with my own emotions.

A quick run-thru

There have been so many things that I wanted to write about. So many events took place. So many lingering thoughts in my head. Hmmmm~ I dun even know where to start......

1) Sakura International Buffet-cum-Su.Z's bday celebration

Went to the outlet at Somerset with Sayang, Aunty Peggy, Lil Miss Bipolar Disorder, T and obviously with the bday girl to have our long-awaited Sakura treat. So much for being the males in the group. The girls ate more than the guys lah! Tsk tsk tsk~ We made one of the crew to give Su.Z her present, with us serenading for her the bday song. 10mins later there was this really fun tune of the bday song playing over the speakers, for the bday lady next table. Honestly, it made us look stupid singing the song. Haha~ Let the pictures do the talking......

They look pretty happy after the many rounds of food-eating. Haha!

Half of the amount of peas that Aunty PY ate
T with the satay and the sticks. Heh~

Aunty PY looks really happy with the fruits. Too happy I think.

Lil Miss Bipolar Disorder with her favouritest fruit in the world, pretending that those were earrings.

Sayang trying to be adventurous? Greedy? I dunno...

A picture that seemed to look wrong for all the wrong reasons.

2) Jalan raya with the MF peeps

This year's jalan raya, attendance wise, it shrank by half the total strength of past years. All in all, it was almost an all girls' outing, if not for Sayang and Lalatz (who joined us for two houses only, with Heroes on the laptop while driving).

Celebrated ayah's bdae at my place, cake sponsored by future son-in-law (haha =P). He was talking to him so happily, I doubt he realizes that he wasn't from mf. Heh~

And.....Lil Miss Autistic insisted that daun sop was daun kesom! Mak dikau.. Baik ah~

Dropped by Afiq's house as his younger sister invited me over for her bday celebration. It was oklah, as I had Sayang with me. It was all fine. =)

And ayah buat malu company ah. Kidd* told her auntie about my dad joking abt packing food from the last hse, and she really did! My oh my~ Paisehnya....

3) Kak N's open house-cum-parents' bday celebration

Crocs Voucher for daddy-o and Metro voucher for mumzie. Woots~ The cake was really cute! We didn't get a chance to take our annual raya family photo on the first day, so everybody was dolled up, to take the family photo today. Haha~ And I was like Kak N's full-time maid for the day. I should really get paid! Haha~On a random note, in the future, when I get married, I really want to have good in-laws. In-laws who are comfortable around me and treat me like their own daughter. I want my in-laws to be like my parents, easy-going. Praying hard~

Heavy in the head...

I feel as if I'm the middleman between my parents and my sisters. Haiz~ I'm so torn in between. In the past, when I was younger, I used to make so much noise on how they hardly acknowledge me as part of the family yadah yadah yadah. Now that I'm older, everybody seemed to come to me and whine. Haiz~ This is getting difficult as time goes on.

I know it's a tad too early, but I'm really unsure about my career path. I'm not sure whether to apply as a prisons counsellor (going back to where I was attached to during placement) or applying as an MSW (which means that my social life will be kinda whacked). Confused confused. I thought I had ample time, but as the semester is coming closer to an end, I feel the pressure. It definitely ain't gonna get any easier.

The recess week seemed to haf zoomed off past me. What did I get done? Almost nothing. Goodness gracious~ I really love to procrastinate, don't I?

Fruitful Saturday...

Made my way down to the SRT with Sanah on Saturday to watch a local production, Boom. Boom tells a story about a stubborn old woman and her son, who is a property agent, struggling to deal with the en bloc sale of their home. Sounds boring and mundane? I bet you, it's not. The production was indeed fun to watch! I really enjoyed myself. It was definitely the money's worth. =) I wanna watch more more local productions in the future, when I can put aside money for such things, to pamper myself. =) Triple fun!Headed down to Haji Lane, thereafter, for the Iftar session with the MF peeps @ Mosi Cafe (Moroccan food). As usual, people were late, some bubbled me in the end. It was so difficult, and having to deal with the slumber look on Sayang's face. Haiz~ And the group is simply getting smaller and smaller as the years go by...

The food was ok, not over the moon kinda food. Personally, I prefer the food at AlaTurka. It was nicer and more substantial I think. I hope that some people won't trying to be difficult, or trying to make things difficult. To be honest, I wasn't in the best of mood myself. Oh well~ I seriously wished it could be more fun though.

Like always, we went down to Geylang. Bad choice to go to Geylang on a Saturday night! So many people, crowd everywhere. It made me to have a headache, I was feeling super light headed, losing my balance most of the time. And the bus, took forever to come. When it finally came, there were 3 that came at one time. How wonderful~

Eventful day it was

Today was too much of an event to not talk about it. Seriously. There were good times, bad times, laughter, tears. Name it, there was everything and all sorts of emotions involved.

1) My shoes slipped off my feet for at least 5 times in school. The first was on the pavement, where everybody could see and I swear that the history lecturer in the car was smiling/sniggering away when he saw it. The other times that it slipped off was on the stairs. How embarrassing!

2) I have never felt so dumb/stupid/lost in a tutorial before. I finally felt it in today's tutorial. I felt as if I had been ignorant all this while, and it's definitely not helping me at all! Bluek~

3) I love the supposed 'study' sessions with Aunty PY. We were supposed to be studying but ended up gettin' distracted by the music, free RedBull, stories about the future as well as the past. Heh~ Stop Dexter-ing Aunty and get down to studying! Like now! And stop thinking that everything is a phallic symbol, will you? Tsk tsk tsk~

4) Sent my lappy for repair. I felt bad for making him forked out the money, but then again, I paid for the first time when I sent it for reformatting. Haiya~ I shud quickly dl the anti-virus software as soon as I get baby back....The entire system is corrupted, once again. Sigh~

5) Whatever happened, I wasn't sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. At least I had the chance to share with you things that have been kept in me for so long. I can't deny the fact that that will definitely be one issue that we might have difficulty coming to a compromise with, but then again, I guess we can always work it out. Thanks for everything. I love you, and thanks for loving me.

6) The cab driver that I had was freaking hilarious! He kept on talking, and talking, and talking. A nice chap he was. =)

Totally random....

"I want to drive also cannot coz my windscreen is totally tinted black already. Lolz" (Sanah, 2008)

How do you react to that statement? Haha~ We were talking about how backtracked we were in our school work and I was telling her that I think I've lost the drive that I had earlier on in the sem, and that was her response. Goodness gracious me. -.-" She's one funny girl, I'm telling you. She'll always have her funny antics. To make it funnier, she doesn't think that it's funny! Haha~ But that's what made her to be her. It won't be her if that doesn't happen! Haha~ =) *peace*

I have been very nice nowadays. Chey, puji diri sendiri nampak. =p I think....

Not only am I suffering from movie deprivation, I think I'm suffering from sleep deprivation as well as clearing-of-bowel-system deprivation (if you know what I mean). Haiya~

I'm tired.

Anyway, on a random note..... Spot me if you can.

Hari SABTU.....

I felt like I was totally being fooled. Wanna know why? Hop over to PY The Great's blog and you'd know why. Idiot you..Haha~

The sisters and BILs came over to my place to buka. Kecorable. Played Finger Twister with Kak N and Abg A. It was pure madness. He kept tickling my finger so that I'll give up faster. Wth~ It was fun coz it has been a long time since we had a family session like that. Even though I was hoping that they had came earlier to help my mum out for the buka preparation. That will definitely had made her feel a whole lot better, I'm sure of that.

But niwae, it was such a big spread for buka! The amount of food, my goodness, it was almost enuff to supply us for 2 days? Haha~ The menu for buka was:
1) Roti kirai + kari ayam (no. 1-4, due to the hardwork of the mumzie and I)
2) Samosa
3) Sambal tumis sotong
4) Nuggets
5) Jemput2 thanks to Kak I
6) Murtabak ayam courtesy of Banquet AMK
7) Otak2 from Bazaar Geylang
8) Ayam percik from Bazaar Geylang
9) Vadai from Bazaar Geylang
10) Bday cake credits to PrimaDeli
And initially, the food seemed overwhelming. Lo and behold, all the food was almost zilch at around 2030hrs. Haha~ Hungry or what?

Planning a get together is definitely not easy. Especially if it's a big grp of pple. My biggest fear/worry has came true. It's such a dilemma. They might perhaps wanna hang out with us, but at the same time, I'm not too sure if the rest are ok with it. I'm totally caught in the middle. What now? What should I do? I don't want to be responsible for any unhappiness but then again, I can't possibly please everybody. Haiz~ Such a difficult situation.

I think I'm suffering from movie deprivation. Heh~

Now and the future....

I had such a hilarious time during medical lecture. The lecturer is an MSW and apparently, she had an extremely busy day before this, having to be at the hospital for over 21hours. After hearing that, and hearing how busy she can be, I started to think twice about becoming an MSW. What will happen to my social life? What will happen if I were to get married? It'll be so hectic. Then again, insya'allah kalo ade jodoh, Sayang is in the medical line too. Then, we'll have a whole string of future generation in the medical line. Haha~ Perhaps having a doctor would be nice. ;)

The more work I have, the slower I become. I'm feeling so bogged down right now. Ugh~ I feel as if I've lost the motivation and drive that I had when semester started. I seemed to have drained it all away, and I'm only at the halfway mark. Somebody save me, please.

Tuition is giving me the headaches nowadays. Kids nowadays are getting ruder than I thought. The parents think that their children is super angellic, I'm sure. Truth be told, they are they rudest kids I've ever encountered. Ok, perhaps, not till that extent but you getting my drift, right? Scolding doesn't seem to work anymore. Even if it does, maybe for about a minute (can you believe it? Not even 5minutes!).

Busy as a bumblebee

Second week of Ramadhan, going into the third week. It'll soon be time to make the kuih-muih for raya. Honestly, I don't see myself having the time to make any kuih, with the overwhelming amount of school work that I have yet to do. Then again, I've already told my mum I would so it won't be nice to 'bubble' her. Even if I did, she'll definitely say "Tulah..cakap je banyak..tiba masa tak buat..." That's mothers for you.

I should buck up. Buck up in my studies and not get distracted with other less important stuffs. Haiz~ Perhaps, I should really use my one week break wisely. Catch up with the gazillion readings that I have to do, and the group projects that I have to meet the deadline for. Busy, busy. Busy as a bumblebee, I shall be.

Rambled thoughts for a day's worth

Many things are on my mind right now....

1) To Aunty PY: I'm really glad that nothing that was more disastrous happened when we went to Ubin. I'm really thankful and glad. You should be too, ya! *hugz*

2) It's nice to have nice taxi drivers. I find it very considerate when you enter the cab, and if the driver was actually listening to a radio channel that was catered to their ethnic group, and then, you are of a different ethnic group, they'd change the radio channel to an English channel. How considerate is that? *thumbs up*

3) The whole situation is putting me in a spot. I have him on one side, and his mother on the other. I don't even know how I should handle the whole situation. I know that I should be doing something about it, but I'm not sure what. This is getting difficult.

4) Suddenly, the whole day today, Sayang kept saying "I nak kahwin" Direct translation: I wanna get married. Dangs~ I was stunned. It wasn't abnormal or strange that he brings up the topic on marriage, but to suddenly say that, that took me aback. He said it like 10 times throughout the whole entire day...I think...I then asked him what made him to say that suddenly, and initially, he just shrugged and said that he didn't know. After some time, he mentioned that perhaps he's started working already and he felt the need? The urgency? The desire? I'm not sure.. Heh~

5) I'm happy for a friend of mine who has finally found someone whom she is happy and comfortable with. I'm really, really happy for her. It's really nice to hear her telling all her stories. She sounds extremely happy. May you be happy with him always ya, darling. =)

6) As you grow older, it's not an easy feat to gather all your close friends together. It's not easy to meet up with every single one of them for even one gathering. I guess it's true that as you grow older, your group of friends might change. People change. People might prefer being with other group of people more than your initial group. Honestly, I think that it's a sad fact. Truly sad fact.

7) My leg is bruised. Abrased. Friction with the wheel of Sayang's bicycle. It hurts, it felt as if my leg was burning. *sobx*