hurt and hurting

thanks for the wonderful hurt you've bestowed upon me....

updates

Niwae......A list of things that I wanna do as soon as the exams are over (which is like NOW):

1) A trip down to Pulau Ubin
2) A trip down to Tekka to let PY and SZ try bone steak...Yummy!
3) Sakura International Buffet
4) Watch lots of movies!!!!!!!!!!!
5) Read lots of books!!!!!!!!!!!!
6) Luge and sky ride @ Sentosa
7) Finish my unfinished videos on YouTube
8) Bonding time with my MSS peeps
9) Find the best Nasi Ayam Penyet stall
10) Brng Sayang to the exclusive shop (shall not say where)
11) Lemme think of more things and i'll update..heh..

bluek lah...everyone has started attachment...bot not me..boo hoo hoo..even Sayang's attachment is ending soon..ugh!

=)

I love you..And you love me...And I know you care for me... =) And that puts a smile on my face.. Hee....

Dont worry k? Ur sweet pot-TAT-to will take good care of herself.. *muacks*

Things cant get worse for my placement...It hasnt even started! dangs..

When.............

When happiness is shortlived...

I wonder what happens...

Have I ever, ever said that yours is a boring world? Have I ever said that I'm finding it hard to fit in? Have I ever said all those?

Sometimes I feel that you can be fragile that at times, I think I hafta be careful with what I say...
I'm trying to make you happy..I'm trying to make you life more enjoyable and fun...And I guess I do want to make a difference in your life...But I think at times, I am making things difficult for you..And for that, I'm sorry...

I wanna haf those happy, worry-free moments like last time...But I know that we've gotta get real about it..Life's not like that everytime, is it?

Neither am I asking you to change for the better...I love you too much...That at times when I am upset with you, I'll feel guilty for feeling that way...Coz for someone who loves me so, and who makes every effort to make me happy, why should I ever be upset or unhappy?

I guess I should learn to smile everytime when with you, no matter what...

I should be grateful and never stop to be...To be given the chance to be with someone like you...It's such a golden opportunity isn't it? I should knock some sense into my head...

"Cmon girl...He loves you so much..how can u be such a brat?" - echoing voice in head

Sayang...I love you...That's all that I seem to afford to say rite now...

=)

It's been a while since I've posted a happy, happy entry... =)

By right, I should be at home on a Saturday studying for my upcoming exams...But nOooooOOooOooo.....I went out with Sayang, Kak Y, M, N and the 2 umis to Escape Theme Park...I guess it's been ages since I've been there..And I found out that admission is free for senior citizens..Perhaps, I should bring daddy-o there..It'll be free for him, but then again, I wonder, what rides would he prob take..Whahahaha! =P

Went to Cavana to have lunch...Yummy yummy... *slurp* I want more of Cavana...But caution, I had such a bad dining experience at the outlet at Causeway Point..It seems to be like a totally different company or something... Heh..The one at White Sands is nice though... =) Happy start to the day...

If you've been to Downtown East (which I'm sure many of you would have), there's the kiddy rides eg. the choo-choo train and the merr-g0-round at the atrium..I think those are total daylight robberies or something..$3 for a single ride which lasts for less than 10 mins..*faints*

First stop at Escape: The Inverter

Sayang and M were dragging Umi Y to the Inverter...Poor her..She was such a poor thing..She was almost on the verge of tears I'm telling you...

Niwae, for someone who has a driving license for more than a year, she has yet to have a go at the GoKart..Haha! I prefer real cars niwae.. =P So there she was, followed her Sayang to queue...Her main concern: she wouldn't pass the height limit for the ride. Wierd huh?

Me: What if I'm below the height limit? Then how?

Sayang: Then show them ur driving license. You could freaking drive a car, what more a GoKart?

Me: Errrr...........

(as we're nearing the queue)

Me: I don't think I meet the height limit....

Sayang: Try to pretend to walk next to it and stand straight...(after checking out the height) *silence*

Me: I'm not above the height limit am I?

Sayang: Don't care lah...Just queue...

So, I guess you guys might have already guessed how tall or to be precise, how short I am..Whahahahha!

But niwae, that clever Sayang of mine, he was holding on to this really small shark-like soft toy when he was on the GoKart..And he had to delay the queue after we were done coz apparently the shark flew out of his hand and the staff had to go one round of the circuit to find it..By the time it came back, it was kinda black that the staff said that he should dump it in the washing machine first..whaha!

Well well well...It was fun fun fun!!!!!! =) Last chance to pamper myself..After this, I should really get down to studying proper..Heh!

And Sayang, sorry k? I love you....You know I do...*muacks*

=P

Tried as I might not to sound too depressed, but I cant seem to help it..Just now felt so different when we were on our own..And I couldn't understand why...Suddenly, we were so formal to each other...Or am I just seeing things in a different light? Or am I too picky about nitty-gritty stuffs?

No, PY...I'm not sad..Or am I in denial? I wonder....

Niwae......A list of things that I wanna do as soon as the exams are over:
1) A trip down to Pulau Ubin
2) A trip down to Tekka to let PY and SZ try bone steak...Yummy!
3) Sakura International Buffet
4) Watch lots of movies!!!!!!!!!!!
5) Read lots of books!!!!!!!!!!!!
6) Lemme think about more things that I wanna do..haha! =P

But niwae, I was thinking perhaps I shouldn't be reading too much into it...At the end of the day, what PY told me last night is true.. "By the look of it, this guy here really loves you and cares a lot for you..." =)

Sayang....I haven't said it to you for quite some time.. I love you...

=(

I hope it has not come to a point that my patience has run out...

I guess he can't even understand me now...

We quarrel ever so often...I think...There was once when he just said "I just can't understand why...."

I just realized that such a small lil thing affected me so much...And he must be thinking "But she din even scold you...." The silence was killing me...And now, all I could afford to do was cry....

What on earth is wrong..Suddenly, everything doesn't seem right...

Please give me the strength to get over this...I guess I should just take a chill pill and relax...

wat else can i say?

To all the peeps who have been reading my blog, don't worry, I'm fine...I'm trying my very best to tell myself that everything's alright... =)

My dearies have been telling me "Mardi...Why do u sound so sad in your blog? But when we meet you and see you, you're so jovial and stuffs...." Honestly, I don't know...

Thinking that you were safely home and to be called on like that, 'reprimanded' for something that I don't even know about, definitely doesn't feel nice...

"As his girlfriend, I hope you talk to him"

I was trying to let her know that I wasn't even aware..I'm so sure that they think that I'm with him...But i'm not....I really wasn't...

And I couldn't help but to cry when he answered my call the second time I called....Unhappy with someone else, and I got the telling off...Haiz~

PS. I went to watch Forbidden Kingdom last night..Go watch...nice.. =)

life since the last entry

It's been a while since i updated...

In short, went for the Social Workers' Day Dinner @ Meritus Mandarin. It was a whole load of fun.

What else......

Exams are around the corner...I'm so unprepared..Well, no surprise...That's what i always say every sem...

Some things are deemed as right by others...And because they are your elders, you are obliged to go their way too...

I've learnt a few things about myself lately...The level of patience in me, is somehow thinning away...By right, it shouldn't be this way...I shouldn't snap too easily at people, especially him...I'm sorry...But I just dun understand why...

I shouldn't force people into doing things that they are unable to do or unwilling to, just to get what I want..Sometimes, I've gotta understand that not everything go my way...Haiz~

When initially you think it's alright, but over time you realize it's not, what are you supposed to do? I wonder......................................

the warmth in your eyes....

Went to have dinner @ Fig 'n' Olive with Sayang..Wanted to try something new..And ho ho ho..it was so filling! Ate the Olio Andalucia Skewer..Whoa..Couldn't even finish it..And Sayang was soaking the salad i gave him in olive oil...Sayang Sayang...

And his uncle (who is really, extremely young) is cool! Haha~ He was so nice..

Anyway, while waiting for the taxi, Sayang was looking at me longingly...And i dunno why, at that point, suddenly, a surge of warmth rushed through..It was a nice feeling...A feeling that I haven't felt for the longest time..Haiz~

Would you prefer it if I were to leave you on your own Sayang? Was just wondering.....

I dunno why but I'd start to feel uneasy when we part and I know that he's not going home..That he'll still be outside...Even though I know that he'll know how to take good care of himself...

And then I started to weep..

I just wanted you to know that well.....I love you...........................

ugh

izzit me or izzit him?

I seriously dunno.....

Haiz.....

I need to be smacked...or knocked in the head...

something is not right..and i wonder wat...and why....

=)

His absence has made me realized how much i actually treasure this guy...




There might be times when he kacau me like mad (you know you do)...There might be times when I feel like pinching him hard and make him realized that I'm upset...There might be times when I was on the verge of breaking down...


But amidst all that, he's the only one who have made me felt that no matter what happens, he'll always be there for me...No matter, he'll always love me for who I am...His unconditioning love will never fail to make me feel how appreciated and cherished my life is...





I'll never, ever leave you, Sayang....



I wanna share every moment of my life with you...be it good or bad...


There might be potentially hard times that we have to go through in the cming future...But whatever it is, i know that we can make it through...as one....i'm always here for you no matter wat...


I love you..........................

i'll miss you

Sayang.....

I know it'll only be for a short while..But it's the first time you're going away..I'll miss you so, so much...

I'm really sorry for not sending you off..And i know you're upset about it..i'm really sorry..i should haf just gone down, even for a lil while..i'm such a lousy gf...i'm sorry Sayang...

Please take good care of yourself k? I'll be praying for your safety..dun be notti alrite?

I realised what a wonderful boyfie i have..i should be grateful for that..

So please, come back safely k? in one piece..make sure...bring Baa-Baa~ along Sayang...

I love you.......

ugh!

i guess...as much as i always wish to be understanding, as much as i always wanna be reasonable and not petty, i just cant seem to do it... i just cant seem to behave in that way....and the best thing is that, he wun even know it....

and then it'll make me thing that i'm being damn petty....

saturdays have stopped turning out to be the saturdays that it was planned to be....but i choose not to react to it..at the end, family is much more impt....so i cant possibly blame anyone....

i dunno why i'm feeling this way...i'm easily upset nowadays..what on earth is wrong with me?!

he commented something a night ago..that i'm silent more often than not nowadays...honestly, i myself dunno why...haiz~

i guess at times, i wish to spend some alone time with somebody....go out and haf fun...go out and do things that u once enjoyed doing together....all that seemed so far away now....

but it's ok i guess...it'll get beta, i hope...

but my life in general, is not getting beta...things dun seem to be working in my favour...

and that sucks so bad...ugh!

bleagh

things have been so bad for me these past few days....i cant even bring myself to talk about it...

somebody kill me please...

overwhelmed

As one grows older, one will realize that he or she would have much more responsibilities to hold, more than what one expects.

Thinking of education and the issues following it.

Thinking of your family as one's parents gets older.

Thinking of one's own future.

Thinking of one's relationship with others.

Everything just came to me suddenly and made me realize that there's so many things that i have to worry about.

My responsibilities as a student, as a president, as a daughter, as an auntie, as a sister, as a friend, as a girlfriend and as a member of the society.

Overwhelmed.

That sums it up.

i love you

and i'm gg to hold onto you no matter what happens...

and i'm gg to feel that it's gg to be ok...

always rmb that i have loved you and will always love you no matter wat...

i'll do whatever it takes to keep this relationship going...

....

do guys always hafta describe how their friend look like when they talk abt them?

" she's pretty ah...hot...badan mampat..."

is that actually necessary?

do we girls do that too?

ever spared a thought for what we might feel?

hummm...

and i always have a feeling when one of his friends likes him...i just know it...and it always turns out to be rite...

i cant accept the fact that she said "musnya matair mcm aku....orgnya sabar..pakai tudung...."

and for how long have u known me for u to say that? please eh...

so wat? potential replacement izzit? dream on...

=)

It felt super duper good. Sayang's family celebrated my birthday yesterday. An occasion that meant to be a surprise turned out to be otherwise. Haha! But it's all good. Honestly, it was really sweet of them. =) No wonder Sayang din allow me to buy donuts to bring over. Coz the 'feast' was meant to celebrate my bday. Hehe.Went over to BP. Sayang went to collect the cake from Swensen's and Kak Yanthy cooked spaghetti. It was finger licking good. Yummylicious!

Maybe it has something to do as u get older. Haha. Nowadays, i realised that i get touched very easily, even by the slightest nice gesture. Or maybe, i have always been but din realise. Oh well.

It was such a sweet thing of them. Haha! Thank you everyone!

all thanks to his mum! =P

...

And i threw away my past for good...Some things that have been with me physically, from my past that i wishe to forget... and i threw all of it away..for good..

All i want now is happiness in my present life...something that i'm sure i'm able to achieve and obtain being with Akhim...

The efforts that he put in into getting a birthday present for me..The efforts that he make to make sure that i'm always comfortable arnd him...

I love you Sayang..thanks for everything..