ugh

izzit me or izzit him?

I seriously dunno.....

Haiz.....

I need to be smacked...or knocked in the head...

something is not right..and i wonder wat...and why....

=)

His absence has made me realized how much i actually treasure this guy...




There might be times when he kacau me like mad (you know you do)...There might be times when I feel like pinching him hard and make him realized that I'm upset...There might be times when I was on the verge of breaking down...


But amidst all that, he's the only one who have made me felt that no matter what happens, he'll always be there for me...No matter, he'll always love me for who I am...His unconditioning love will never fail to make me feel how appreciated and cherished my life is...





I'll never, ever leave you, Sayang....



I wanna share every moment of my life with you...be it good or bad...


There might be potentially hard times that we have to go through in the cming future...But whatever it is, i know that we can make it through...as one....i'm always here for you no matter wat...


I love you..........................

i'll miss you

Sayang.....

I know it'll only be for a short while..But it's the first time you're going away..I'll miss you so, so much...

I'm really sorry for not sending you off..And i know you're upset about it..i'm really sorry..i should haf just gone down, even for a lil while..i'm such a lousy gf...i'm sorry Sayang...

Please take good care of yourself k? I'll be praying for your safety..dun be notti alrite?

I realised what a wonderful boyfie i have..i should be grateful for that..

So please, come back safely k? in one piece..make sure...bring Baa-Baa~ along Sayang...

I love you.......

ugh!

i guess...as much as i always wish to be understanding, as much as i always wanna be reasonable and not petty, i just cant seem to do it... i just cant seem to behave in that way....and the best thing is that, he wun even know it....

and then it'll make me thing that i'm being damn petty....

saturdays have stopped turning out to be the saturdays that it was planned to be....but i choose not to react to it..at the end, family is much more impt....so i cant possibly blame anyone....

i dunno why i'm feeling this way...i'm easily upset nowadays..what on earth is wrong with me?!

he commented something a night ago..that i'm silent more often than not nowadays...honestly, i myself dunno why...haiz~

i guess at times, i wish to spend some alone time with somebody....go out and haf fun...go out and do things that u once enjoyed doing together....all that seemed so far away now....

but it's ok i guess...it'll get beta, i hope...

but my life in general, is not getting beta...things dun seem to be working in my favour...

and that sucks so bad...ugh!

bleagh

things have been so bad for me these past few days....i cant even bring myself to talk about it...

somebody kill me please...

overwhelmed

As one grows older, one will realize that he or she would have much more responsibilities to hold, more than what one expects.

Thinking of education and the issues following it.

Thinking of your family as one's parents gets older.

Thinking of one's own future.

Thinking of one's relationship with others.

Everything just came to me suddenly and made me realize that there's so many things that i have to worry about.

My responsibilities as a student, as a president, as a daughter, as an auntie, as a sister, as a friend, as a girlfriend and as a member of the society.

Overwhelmed.

That sums it up.

i love you

and i'm gg to hold onto you no matter what happens...

and i'm gg to feel that it's gg to be ok...

always rmb that i have loved you and will always love you no matter wat...

i'll do whatever it takes to keep this relationship going...

....

do guys always hafta describe how their friend look like when they talk abt them?

" she's pretty ah...hot...badan mampat..."

is that actually necessary?

do we girls do that too?

ever spared a thought for what we might feel?

hummm...

and i always have a feeling when one of his friends likes him...i just know it...and it always turns out to be rite...

i cant accept the fact that she said "musnya matair mcm aku....orgnya sabar..pakai tudung...."

and for how long have u known me for u to say that? please eh...

so wat? potential replacement izzit? dream on...

=)

It felt super duper good. Sayang's family celebrated my birthday yesterday. An occasion that meant to be a surprise turned out to be otherwise. Haha! But it's all good. Honestly, it was really sweet of them. =) No wonder Sayang din allow me to buy donuts to bring over. Coz the 'feast' was meant to celebrate my bday. Hehe.Went over to BP. Sayang went to collect the cake from Swensen's and Kak Yanthy cooked spaghetti. It was finger licking good. Yummylicious!

Maybe it has something to do as u get older. Haha. Nowadays, i realised that i get touched very easily, even by the slightest nice gesture. Or maybe, i have always been but din realise. Oh well.

It was such a sweet thing of them. Haha! Thank you everyone!

all thanks to his mum! =P

...

And i threw away my past for good...Some things that have been with me physically, from my past that i wishe to forget... and i threw all of it away..for good..

All i want now is happiness in my present life...something that i'm sure i'm able to achieve and obtain being with Akhim...

The efforts that he put in into getting a birthday present for me..The efforts that he make to make sure that i'm always comfortable arnd him...

I love you Sayang..thanks for everything..

wat's wrong with me?

i'm feeling kinda different nowadays..I am totally not sure what is wrong with me..I dunno why i'm feeling this way..Something is just not right...

Am i feeling insecure about things that I shouldn't even be bothering myself wif? Even seeing you and talking to u feels different..

it shouldn't be anything bad...but everytime i see u, everytime i talk to u, i feel emotional, somehow..unsure why...

And we hardly talk nowadays too...

And u noe..I know that it might not be intentional...But it makes me feel that when i tell u stuffs, u sound uninterested..Am i beginning to bore u as time goes by with my unimportant daily rambles and updates? Am i telling u things that are not even necessary?

I feel as if I'm lacking something...I cant help but to feel this way...maybe i expected more? i dunno...

And at times i feel that i'm kinda forgotten...Not as if i'm asking for ur attention every minute...

And i'm feeling lonely...

And i dun even think it's something necessary or important to bring up...

I miss the touch of ur hand on mine...i miss the loving addresses that u used to make..the way u'd call me and just go "Sayang......" I miss those...

And i cant help but to weep every night, thinking about it...

Or maybe, it's me...Something's definitely wrong with me...

=(

You feel so near, yet so far..I dunno why but i feel like you're drifting away...Are you?

I really hope not..Coz that's the last thing i want to be happening...

You hardly talk much nowadays..We hardly get to talk much nowadays...You din talk much either when we met today...

But i shall believe you, since you said nothing's wrong...

Well, i guess i talk too much huh...But i can't stand the awkward silences either...

I love you..I really do...

hmm...i wonder

Yamaha Fino

Gilera Runner

These two bike models are my current loves! Look at the first one, vintage looking...Almost close to Vespa but not...And to top that, it's brown! I loike!!!!!! =) It looks so nice...And there's actually one bike around my area, at the carpark behind my house..Coolness...Oh..And not to mention Gilera..I tink it is so cute and adorable..So small..The kind of bike that i would be able to ride considering such short legs that i have..Whahahahah!~

And being with someone who constantly tells me about bikes and what not...I realised that i might know more about bikes than i do know about cars! And to think that i have a car license but i noe little about it...hahaha! if the car breaks down in the middle of the road while i'm behind the wheel, honestly, i wouldn't know what to do..*giggles* sounds bimbotic! =P

Working with little kids can be kinda annoying at times. Especially when they get all irritating and lame and totally digress from the topic. It's even worse to have like 5 of them in one room, totally dominated by girls. Poor boy, the only guy. He looks intimidated by the overpowering number of girls in the room. Not to mention that the tutor is a female herself! whahaha!

And finally, i can leave my heart-wrenching, blood-sucking work place and work at much more flexible hours. That simply means that my weekend is totally free! Awesome! Fantastic!

What do you do when your partner talks about the past? Even though, u were the one who sort of started the flow and direction of the conversation? Do you become unhappy? Would that be unreasonable? Or can it be an outlet to learn from your mistakes? He said that we shouldn't throw away the past just like that cos there might be nuggets of wisdom that u can take note and learn from. I guess there are some truths in it. But honestly, mine somehow tend to bring back more painful and miserable memories. Oh well. I should be happy and rejoicing the fact that i'm with someone whom i love so dearly and who loves me so.

Saturday...Bonding time for Kak Ita and Akhim..hahaha! Now that's hilarious!

hooked

haha!

i tink i'm like getting hooked on jap dramas..that's it man..so much for teasing sanah about korean dramas..whahaha.....

and rite....it doesn't mean that it's ok for u to go Moooing at me just because i talked to you that day...Akhim will always be my moo-moo....or maybe, i'm just taking it too personally...

oh my..if only he could actually serenade me with a song while on the guitar or something...hehe...he tried to see "Hey There Delilah" to me janau..hey..he act has quite a good voice ok..but like he said, smoking has but robbed him of his good voice..heh..sayang sayang..

money money money......

the second

woots!

it was our 2nd year anniversary yest...the surprise that i thought of him went well! alhamdulillah..i was so panicky about it..always so excited about it..and the moment he msged me and said that he was at city hall i was literally jumping in my seat! =P

sent him on a trail from city hall mrt to the sky garden @ suntec..indeed it was a success..even though i had to stand under the umbrella in the rain..but i tink it was all worth it..weeeee...

it's a waste though that we totally forgot to take any pictures..so ya..nemind..haha! but we did take pictures with the donuts that we bought and sat at the multi-storey carpark @ Senja Grand to eat and enjoy the breeze...

it was two years filled with wonderful moments..the ups and downs...and like i told him, he grew to become a way much better lover, partner, friend when compared to the first year...i love you!

enchanted

i tink i'm kinda laggy..hahaha...went to watch Enchanted with Sayang on Monday..woots!

drove out to pick him up from school and we were supposed to watch it at Sun Plaza...but haha...once we're travelling in the car, we'd just be like "so wer are we going?"

so drove to Lorong Ah Soo and he packed food from there..the plan: to eat it in the theatres...tsk tsk tsk....daring him...coz decided to watch at suntec and suntec has those really comfy sofas..woots! my fav....

but the problem was....we din noe how to drive to suntec..haha! and we wanted to avoid the erp in town...but it's ok..we finally figured out how to..hehe...right Sayang?

niwae, oh my..i am so in love with Enchanted lah...apart from the fact that McDreamy is in it..it made me leave the theatre feeling all warm and fuzzy inside..it was incredible! *thumbs up*

"there never has been anything like Enchanted" and i totally agree! =)

how do u know...he loves you.....how do u know...he's yours....lalalalalala~

..

yay yay! end of my misery..yahoo!

one a half months of brain resting...woots!

that's all i'm in the mood for now...

and sayang is busy earning money...

i hope to get the translator job tho...

this is super random...woots!

sigh

i hate the feeling when u are eagerly waiting for that someone...to knock off from work..so tt u'll be able to call the person and talk to him.....

u wait and wait and wait.....

it's past 15 minutes and the phone still doesnt ring...

u call once...to no avail...

u wait a while more....nothing...

call again..just to know that the person iis already at another place....

and u din noe....

how would u feel? especially when u expected more from him...

..

so many things on my mind rite now...

i'm feeling super flustered...i dunno why....

moving so slowly....not even studying..

what's happening to me?!

humm

on a happier note, i met cikgu dian just now..yes indeed..cikgu dian...my malay teacher when i was in sec 2...coolness....she's due in january..heehee...but i did something so funny to tegur her...i just went up to her and tapped her on her shoulder..it took her some time before she actually realised it was me..heh...and wen i was leaving she was like shouting to me "mardiana, bila makan nasi minyak jangan lupa jemput!" it was nice bumping into you cikgu! you look pretty pretty still..heee....

i've always thought that i was easy-going..i've always thought that i can adapt well to my surroundings...i really really thought so..

it was only when i'm placed in such a surrounding, only then did i realize hey..i dun tink i'm that easy-going after all...being around pple whom you don't know...somehow, makes me feel a lil bit out of place..makes me feel kinda listless (like how Sayang would always say)...and i realize...i can get kinda jealous easily at times too....haiz~

and i realize how much impact Sayang has on me...now i understand what it means when u really feel what someone is going thru...now i really understand when it means that it hurts you to see someone in a particular state...that's what i'm feeling when Sayang was like pouring everything out..it's like i wanna do something to make him feel better..i wish i could do something..but apparently i guess...i dun even noe what i can actually do...i really dunno...it really hurts me to see him in this state..that now, i kinda feel guilty for feeling whatever that i used to feel at times in the past..

Sayang...everything will be ok..one step at a time..remember that..and whatever happens...you will always have me to fall back on ok?