Laptop madness

My laptop acted up again. I just sent it for a freaking repair which cost me about 20buckaroos. Now, it's acting up again. Everytime it acts up, it's not in my hands. Geez~ The situation sounds even worse this time round. I think due to the fact that the wireless was not secured, people were able to hack into the system, thus hacking into my lappy too! What do you expect, he called me and told me that there were porn stuffs at my desktop. Well done! That has been my secret desire; to have porn files on my desktop... -.-" I seriously think that my laptop really doesn't fancy him at all. Heh~ My oh my.... I want my baby back...............

Broke

I just realised how broke I am now. Gosh~ So many plans, but financially constraint. Can't believe this. Sigh~

Buka-ed with two of my babygerls, along with Sayang. Went to Ala-Turka, based on my recommendation. Hee~ I'm glad that they liked the place. It was nice. A cosy event. We should have more of such.

I'm physically and mentally drained.

I can't believe I 'blew up' in front of them. Perhaps, not.

Ok, tired. Gotta play Solitaire Showdown with my beloved aunty py.

In a totally puasa/raya mood....

A new blogskin. Finally. I just realised while re-doing my blog, that this blog has been around since 2004? Goodness gracious. That's like a gazillion years ago. Don't believe me? Take a look at the reminiscence section. It's a freaking long list I'm telling you.

Anyway, to you guys who are reading this entry. If you need some finger food/snacks or even cold desert for your party, do feel free to drop by the links that I've provided at the right side. I'm promoting their sites. For those who know me well enough would have realised by now my relationship with them. Haha~

I'm happy and delighted. It has been a super, duper long time since I've felt this happy. =) I love you, Sayang!!!!!!! It feels great to be happy once again. I guess it's true, that complicated situations are only brought upon by humans themselves. It won't be complicated if we don't make it seem complicated. True?

And oh, went down to Geylang on Thurs night. It has only been a few days into Ramadhan and the crowd was crazy? I'm not sure. There were cisco officers guarding the traffic lights everywhere. So disappointing. Couldn't really find a baju that I really, really adore. We're planning to don silverish grey baju but it doesn't seem to be the colour for this year. Haha~ I think kebaya pendek is out of fashion already. Heh~ What about for someone who is short like me? Kebaya labuh won't look nice right. I think. Tsk tsk tsk~ Such a dilemma.

At the end of the day, I think I still prefer buka-ing at home with my family. It's only been the first week and I have found the way I had to be buka pathetic. Tsk tsk tsk, especially days that I have tuition. Poor me~

I think it's an unspoken rule or statement that if there's a iftar session or jln raya with the MF peeps, I'm the one who'll be organising. Haha~ Want to know why I said that? A few days back, one of them approached me and suggested a date for jln raya, which means that I have to be the one to ask everybody else, right? It made me look super ghairah lah! Last night, another msged me and said that if I'm thinking of a get-together, try to make it on so and so dates. Whahaha~ This is super hilarious. I should try earning money from managing these events huh. Haha~

Random Rambles

Throughout the entire day, there were so much thoughts running through my head that I wanted to blog about. And now, everything just trickled out of my puny brain. Dangs~

I felt like a freaking mugger, stuck in the library for almost 4hours. There's only so much that my tiny brain can take. Haha~ Then again, I guess I should start doing what I should be doing. It's already the fourth week of semester, how time flies. I wouldn't want to be sabotage my final year anyway. So, I feel as if I'm extra hardworking this sem. I'm satisfied. I'm just hoping that I can maintain the same level of spirit till the end of my final year. *praying hard*

Buka-ed at Sayang's place yesterday. It was hilarious coz we shared a packet of nasi sambal goreng. His auntie was simply making fun of us, saying that before marriage only would we wanna share our food, it so doesn't happen after marriage. Haha~ Funny, funny. I had a lonely break fast today. Sitting alone outside the tuition centre, holding a kurma with a bottle of blueberry tea and mushroom pizza bun from prima deli. How pathetic. Even the pakcik who was walking past looked strangely at me. I must have looked like such a loner. Heh~

Why do a lot of people think that I was going to be a teacher upon graduation? Apparently, I have the look of a teacher, a Malay teacher to be exact. Do I? Even Sanah once said that I looked like her Primary1 Malay teacher. Heh~ Cikgu Bedah agaknya tak. Kwang Kwang Kwang~

I seriously think that time flies by too fast this time round. Everything is simply whizzing past me. Time truly waits for no man. I was on the way home yesterday and I thought, next year, I won't be waking up as and when I like anymore. I won't be able to wear slippers and dress down on days when I don't feel like dressing up. I won't be sitting in the bus thinking which readings should I do when I'm home. Because why? I would be venturing into the working life already. I would have to apply for jobs, go for interviews, revamp my wardrobe. When should I start applying for jobs? I wonder. Suddenly, a rush a panic swept through me. When I think again, I'm not sure whether I'm ready for it.

Dumb folk

I must have sounded pretty dumb, stupid and almost incapable. Why can't I be like others who can answer questions all so very well, and making nice, intelligent words to be spurted out of their mouths? Gosh~ I feel like killing myself. I don't even feel like an undergrad. I can't seem to think like one, what more speak like one. What should I do? Gosh~

This is the longest time that I have not heard from Sayang. He must be really tired.

Reminisce

Seeking and experiencing serenity in the midst of a busy and hectic period of your life definitely feels nice and comforting. Eventually, prayers is the one source to depend on to grant you the serenity and courage that you need to face and overcome the happenings in life.

I was looking through the photo albums of people online and I got a sense of warmth in me when I see pictures of couples celebrating their anniversaries, like 5yrs anniversary kind of thing. I'm impressed and amazed. =) Gave me a very cosy feeling about it. Perhaps a lil bit of envy but I'm happy for these couples. It's definitely not easy to maintain a relationship that has been that long, I'm sure. A lot of effort has to be put in.

When a couple is new and is in their honeymoon stage, everything seems exciting. Both parties will always be doing things to impress one another and sweep their other half off their feet. Slowly but surely, all these spontaneity and excitement seems to die down. That's the challenge I assume being in a relationship for years. You must always try and make an effort to make the relationship as exciting and spontaneous as how it was initially. When a couple manages to do that, I salute them totally. (^-^)

I want to be like that too. =) I'll definitely work towards it. For our happiness and the eternal bliss that we seek for.

I was looking through the messages, e-mails, comments that he wrote to me within the past two and a half years. Sounds sweet and nice and lovely and heartwarming. Then again, I guess I wouldn't get similar msgs now because we've past and over that mark? I hope not.. Heh~ He's still as sweet as he can be.

And I stumbled upon this photo in my pictures folder. That was the day. The day that paved out the journey that I'm having with him now. =) Those of you who knew me since sec sch days or perhaps JC days, will most probably know the meaning behind this picture. =) An innocent farwell, that turned out to be the period where emotions were disclosed. That was three years back. I remembered it being a lil wierd. I was going to check in already, and I was hugging my JC classmates who sent me off. Hugged everybody and then, it was him. We have been good friends, yes, but no skinship whatsoever. I thought I could avoid him then but it would look wierd if I had skipped him. So ya, that moment, was strange? Surreal? I'm not sure. Haha~ But it's definitely a moment that will never fail to put a smile on my face everytime I think about it. I'm sure you remember it too, Sayang. Hee~

I have a freaking presentation in a few hours' time that I'm so not ready and prepared for. I'm officially doomed! Congrats to myself. Well done!

Night shift

Tonight is Sayang's second night of night shift. I'm not used to it, but I'm trying to get used to it. It'll be something that will be part of what I have to get used to. I felt lonely last night. Even though he was online, but he's busy. I'm concerned about him. He sounded extremely tired and shagged when he called me before he decided to catch some sleep during his shift. Poor Sayang. Called in the morning when he was home and he sounded much more tired and said that he's gg to sleep. I think he's still sleeping now. Sayang Sayang......

Ramadan's here once again. Geylang Market was like an ant's nest! I was telling my mom, it looked more like it was going to be Hari Raya more than it was going to be Puasa time. Heh~ Senggol2 in the market, and ayah kept insisting that the men are there as they have a motive. Haha~

Sayang and I have yet to purchase our raya baju! =( *sobx* Busy, busy. Was thinking of going down to Geylang on Monday, as he's not working. Then again, a bit melampau right? First day of puasa then straightaway go down to Geylang. Haha~ Ghairah nampak.

I wanna buka puasa with Sayang, my girls, my MF buddies, my NUS friends as well as my MSS committee. Busy as a bumblebee.

Revelation and laughter~

Bonding Session with the MSS peeps today. Breakfast @ Gombak's Macs, then off to CDANS for our annual bonding session @ Laserquest, then headed to CSC for bowling and finally KFC @ WestMall for late lunch. A cosy and private bonding session indeed! I totally enjoyed myself and definitely found it a brilliant opportunity to bond with everybody else. A new academic year, a new committee to make it work. =)

I'm still trying to adjust myself to the change in positions. Still not used to it, but I should be ok. Give myself time and I'd be more than comfortable. After a year of having to be at the top and overlooking everything else, I'm grateful for the chance to go one step lower and lay back a lil bit. =) May we have a wonderful and healthy working relationship in this academic year. (^-^)

Bowling was simply hilarious! Now, I even have a new name -> Schmall. Not that I'm proud of itor anything of that sort, but let's face the fact, I am small. Haha~ Sayang left his specs in the cab and he had to bowl half-blind, which resulted in his bowling name to be Rabun. Haha~ How cute! Apparently, he's regarded as an honorary member! Haha~ And your post would be? Medical Head? Whahahaha~

I hope I can put up the pictures for the bonding session soon. Didn't bring my camera so I'm heavily depending on other people. Hee~

The happy times are here once again! I'm happy that we're both happy! If one seeks happiness, one has to work towards it. Make an effort to obtain happiness. Avoid complicating simple issues. I've learnt.

To Do List

I suddenly stumbled upon this once-upon-a-time list that I made like a few months back. Let's have an update, shall we?

1) A trip down to Pulau Ubin

2) A trip down to Tekka to let PY and SZ try bone steak...Yummy!
(even though we didn't get to go down to Tekka, I managed to bring the bone steak to them)

3) Sakura International Buffet anybody wanna offer themselves to go with me?

4) Watch lots of movies!!!!!!!!!!! i think i am really in need of a good movie

5) Read lots of books!!!!!!!!!!!! readings counted?

6) Luge and sky ride @ Sentosa
(finally managed to go with Sayang after super duper long!)

7) Finish my unfinished videos on YouTube
(not really YouTube but I'm satisfied that I've managed to watch my lagged WGM episodes)

8) Bonding time with my MSS peeps soon to come: LASERQUEST

9) Find the best Nasi Ayam Penyet stall any suggestions?

10) Bring Sayang to the exclusive shop

11) Doing my readings and schoolwork on time in the progress

Random thoughts...

I should have a more positive outlook in life. Learn to deal all that I'm faced with in a more positive way.

Perhaps, I should learn how to be more accepting. I guess it's hard when you think someone is mature but certain behaviours simply do not reflect that. It's hard to fight it out with someone when the person thinks that what he/she is doing is not wrong at all, and makes you look like you're the one in the wrong. As if I was the one who was not supposed to react and response that way.

Just because to you it's nothing doesn't mean that it means the same to everybody else. You have got to learn to keep your distance and avoid potential situations that might cause you harm or more trouble.

I truly respect the girl. It's very respectable and noble of her to do what she did. Not many girls can do that. Thank you~

As for you, the things that you mentioned and talked about are definitely not things you should be talking about or thinking about when you're already in a relationship. It's not logical and doesn't make sense. It makes you sound like a 15 or 16 year old.

Is there a need and is it a must to have friends from the opposite gender even though you're already attached? Will you try very hard to make sure you do? I'm so not agreeable to that, but oh well~

Whatever it is, I hope that we'll be able to pull through this together. We can do it, I know we can.

Jealousy...

Should I even be jealous about it? Can I be jealous knowing that my bf is chilling with a girl, just the two of them alone at night? Even though, they are just friends? But why on earth would the girl ask him what he is doing? Tak tau ke, dia matair orang. Am I starting to be possessive?

I gathered my courage and msged him and said "I'm sorry. But I don't feel comfortable knowing that you're chilling with a girl, alone. I know you will not like it if I feel this way but I just wanted to let you know". Now, I'm not sure whether it was a right thing to do, coz no response from him at all. Then, no response too when I msged him again and asked where he was.

Am I wrong to feel that way? Was I wrong to do what I did? Izzit wrong for a girl to feel that way? Sometimes, I'm just at a loss, not knowing what to do. I can't help but to feel a certain way and he'll make me feel that it's wrong to feel that way. Isn't it something natural?

Why has it been so difficult for me to be happy? Why has it been so difficult to seek joy in this whole thing? Does it get harder as the relationship gets longer?

I'm afraid. I'm really afraid.

Sayang's Surprise 21st celebration

The day finally came! I was super, duper excited to the point that I didn't know what to do.

Met up with the San, Azza and Kecik and we headed down first. While on the way to Pasir Ris Park, it started to rain. Oh dear~ My biggest fear is coming alive! When we finally arrived at Pasir Ris Park, it was still raining. We were stuck. So we decided to recce the place first.

I actually thought the pit was near the carpark...but noooooooooooooooo.....And there was no nearby shelter. *sobx* In my head I was thinking, we're so doomed now. To kill time, we decided to go to Downtown East to eat first.

When we came back, it was still raining. Noni and Ari were there already. So we decided to just give it a shot. Took everything out of the car, and walked. Lo and behold, it became a downpour and the guys were super drenched as they didn't want the brolly. Stuck. That was around the time when the cooked food and the bday cake is delivered. Crap~ I got upset. I panicked. I kept thinking to myself, this can't be happening. It was 5+. He'd reach anytime soon. How how how...

Luckily, the rain lightened up a bit. We decided to give it another go and headed down to pit from the shelter. The cake was pretty. I loved it! =) Soon, my hp rang and it was him. He's already at Pasir Ris. I jumped and got super excited. Heh~

He was still ignorant about the whole thing as I went to pick him up. He still thought it was a simple gathering with our friends. Tried to walk super slow. It was a good thing that he was wearing his shades. So he couldn't see that well. Heh.

A: Where Sayang? Wah...ur pit damn far u noe..

D: Nemind..just continue walking...

*after a while*

A: Is that them Sayang?

D: You know why I brought u here today?

Everybody: Happy Birthday to you..Happy birthday to you..Happy birthday to Mus, happy birthday to you!

*while they were singing, he was so proud of it, that he started posing with the brolly*

Yay! I'm so, so happy. Guess what? His braders were hiding behind a brolly at the BBQ area and he didn't even realise. So I had to take him by then hand and told him that I've something else for him. Ta-da! =) He was so, so surprised that his friends were there. Hee~

And all went well. =)

To eveybody who had made it possible (in alphabetical order): Ari, Azza, Jehan, Kecik, Noni, Sanah, Saniah, Kee FongThank you so much, thank you for helping me out so much to make this happen. I hope you guys enjoyed yourself.

To the birthday boy,

Sayang, I really hope you enjoyed it and liked the surprise celebration that I planned for you. Now you understand the reasons behind my certain emotions and actions for the past week huh. Hee~ Happy 21st Sayang! *muacks*

It was a small, cosy and private affair with his special ones around. It was 'happening shit' (Akhim, 2008).

Lunch meet-up

Finally met up with Wyddy for lunch.. Megabites! She is so into it! Whahaha~

She was cute, and still is cute@ *winkx* Had such a great time.

Biler nak Khulfi, babe? =)

Super duper excited

I'm excited. The day is looming nearer. Super duper excited. I hope everything will fall into place. I hope nothing goes wrong. =)

Can I... ?

Why do I find it so hard to trust?

Can I actually trust you now?

Why does everything sounds so incongruent?

I'm having my doubts.

Please give me the strength to get through this.

Bitter and upset

I'm really speechless right now. I'm not even sure whether how to respond.

I don't wish to attack or bombard you, but I think it's time that you know the effect of your actions on me.

Just when I was all ready to put aside the things that I was previously upset with, this had to happen.

At least I'm glad that you're not doing it to test my patience. Well, I guess that's because you clearly weren't aware.

Initiative. Think.

It's not the first time. It's happening ever too often. Let's both learn from this alright?

Bitter feeling

I guess I should learn how to filter my words. I guess certain things are better left unsaid, just like what you said. I guess I shouldn't have said those things but I really wanted to. Just when I thought I could make it up to you. I guess the terrible feeling was because of the fact that I had to wait so long, and you know I don't like waiting. You can't be blamed though. Just when I tried to tell you, you told me off just like that. Haiz~

Yes. Everything's wrong with me nowadays. Yes. You will soon blow up and lose your patience with me. You're even aware that I'm mad at anything nowadays. No, let me correct that. Not that I'm mad, but I'm upset and bitter about everything. Everything is happening ever too often.

I guess I should stop being so anal and hope that everything will revolve around me. It should be about the two of us, and not just me.

I just have only one biggest fear. That I'll get sick and tired of the whole thing. Which of course, I'm not hoping for it to happen. Perhaps, you might. I'm not sure, and I hope not too...

ponder

I'm really at a lost right now. I'm not sure of what I'm supposed to do. I know that me attitude towards him for the past month is totally unacceptable but I can't seem to help it. I really don't know what to do now. Is it because of work that we as individuals have turned out like this? I know it's not nice to wash dirty linen in public but how else can I pour all this out and try to make myself better? For the past two days, I'm slowly trying to talk to him about it. Somehow, I just feel that I'll lose in the battle of words. Am I not matured enough to be think rationally and logically? I should just try to forget it and behave well when I do get to see him, right? However, I can's seem to. It's just not fair.

Will things out like this when you're in a relationship long enough to see the transition that your partner makes?

Do we as a person change when our lifestyle and routine changes? I wonder.

I really want to sit down and have a nice chat/talk with him, because I'm sure that will definitely make me feel so much better. I'm so easily upset nowadays that it scares me. Haiz~

Sayang...I still love you no matter what.

*sobx*

initiative, initiative, initiative. When is that good and when is that bad? I guess it's bad when you don't follow up after that? Wat nonsense am i blabbering about.

I dunno why but I'm feeling a lil different nowadays. Like he said, to him, it's a transition period to full-time job, a period of freedom..But then, it doesn't help if i feel like it seems to be only him who gets the best out of it, does it? I definitely don't have a similar sentiment as him. Then again, forcing someone to do things the way you like it to be won't help make things better either. Haiz~

Would this how life will be like when both are working? Wasn't i right to say that even in the past, anything that i were to say, u'd just respond by saying, "you shud understand my situation". Wouldn't that naturally make me feel like not to say anything at all, knowing that i'd get a similar response anyway?

I said what i could. Seeing u and spending time with you is getting harder than i thought. I shouldn't be calculative. It's unhealthy. At times, just getting a reply from you it's so hard. It's little things like this that matters so much to me. Nobody makes an effort to start a topic anymore. Nothing to say=hanging up.

I'm not trying to be the nice one. Neither am i trying to hide my reasons under the disguise of not knowing what to say. It's just that saying it, makes my heart ache even more.

Tears flowing down my cheek while i'm typing this. How do i let you know how i truly feel without making it sound like as if it is wrong of me to feel this way? I wonder...

wonder...

as the days go by....there's a funny sense in me...and i dunno what it is...

silence...will lead to end of conversation...nothing much to talk about...

can't seem to think the way you think...neither can you think the way i think...

what's happening?

sometimes, i feel the coldness...

i guess this is what happens when work comes into the picture...