oh god..

guess wat? afiq saw hrithik upclose and personal lah..lucky guy..why can't it be me?! bleaghx..

gp paper was so bleaghx..it's ok..ed was saying that we've sat for over 160 papers so far in our entire life..5 more paper won't hurt..uh-huh...

it was so great having your closest frenz coming over to your place and mug gether2..and i became the lunch provider..so much for wanting mac or pizza huh guys? hehe..

my parents will be back tml..i miss them..

i haf a conflicting feeling in me..haish~

photo frenzy..

lil fizza & lil me

me & lovely fyda

me & muzzy..lolx..

me & baby liyana

lovely pinky & me

guys, u don't wanna mess with us

me & nu-er, char

such lovely gurls..=)

jerry darl..*muackz*

king hj towering over me..like always..

the 4 princesses

sanah, ms bee n me..

all smiles! n i got hugged! =)

lovely mel & i

lovely pic of me & fizzo..pals..

mel & the boys..

kisses for all!

boys gone wrong..*shakes head*

gurls of 04a2..hehe..we rock!

a part of my class..love these people to bits..

that's the '04-'05 mlcs ex-co..great people..will miss ya..

oh well..

i'm back after a super duper long time..

nice pic? i noe..

so much has happened..no time to tell everything..

niwae, me and him..over dy..on our 3rd mth..niwae, no pt brooding over it..i'm coping fine..uh-huh..hopefully..even tho i suddenly tot of him last nite..oh well..

a levels coming..stress beb..

oh well..i just want the best for myself and for everyone else..i'm in the mood wer i couldn't care less abt anything else..or if i am, i'm be totally affected by it..such extremes..haiz..

i hope all my darlings are happy and fine with whatever they are doing..just wanna let you all noe that I MISS ALL OF YOU!!!!!

tml's grad day..sob sob..

finally..

for the third time..it's gone..wat rubbish..

oh well..

exams over..

met him..he look so poor thing..i really kesiankan him..intend to make potato soup or some sort..hopefully it turns out nice..insya'allah you're gg to be ok.. =)

between us, i dunno..let's just see wer it goes..

no mood dy..keep losing my entries..

wth

finally..

bleaghx..

my entry is gone!

niwae, finally..the prelims is finally over..but still got a levels..wat a bore..haiz~

this friday..class outing..but i can't stay long..wat the heck..

i can't remember wat i wrote dy..crap..

yes..met him that day..see him so poor thing..it's so hard for him to eat his food..so kesian..intend to make some kind of potato soup for him..hopefully, it turns out nice..

but between us..i dunno..just see where it goes lah..

n you're gg to be fine moomoo..insya'allah..you can eat anything and everything you want wen you get beta k?

i wonder wat to get for him for his birthday..hmm...

oh well..

my dad..super unreasonable..n i din expect my self to say "tak nak ah..tak tentu pasal nak marah org" to my mum abt my dad..but luckily, she din hear..phew..

oh well..

wateva

finally..

finally..the exams are finally over!!!! yippee...but there's still the a levels..haiz~ wat a bore..bleaghx..

this friday..class outing..but wat the heck..can't stay out late..oh well..

hope i'll be able to bayar my hutang puasa in time..shouldn't wait till the last minute next time..hmm..

met him that day..he so poor thing..gg to make some kind of potato soup for him..hopefully it'll turn out nice..*pray hard* he eat until so the kesian..can't even enjoy his food..very the poor thing..dun worry k? it's gg to be fine..insya'allah..

but i dunno wat's happening between us tho..let's just see where it goes..

wonder wat to get for his birthday..

sch system..changed everything..now os hard to log in..bleaghx..

numb

i feel bumped..

dunno wat i'm feeling..

stoned..

dunno wat to do..

"don't do it next time k? it's not necessary.." wth..

...

seeing other people happy makes me happy..weeee!

i dunno why but i haf a feeling that i'm kinda sick of studying..

i can't wait for somebody's treat..i hope it'll happen..

i'm soo tired..soooo drained..can't wait to get it over and done with..

haish~

it's finally here..

it's been a while since i blogged..couldn't find the time..prelims is here..doomsday..nah, not yet..there's till the A levels..haish..i wonder how i'll be able to pull through the prelims..with my dad being super unreasonable with me at times..act, most of the time..but nvm..with the support of my frenz, insya'allah, i'll be able to make it..

dun wish to think abt any other problems..no doubt it's hard but i've gotta try..just go with the flow..maybe patience will lead me somewhere..insya'allah..just pray for the best..

realization struck me that day..n i realized that even though there's the numbness, i still do miss him..and love him all the same..maybe, at times i dunno why i'm letting myself getting through this..but i guess, ntahlah eh..mayb, deep down in me, i just hope that things will work out..

to the peeps that left msgs at my tagboard, thanks people..i really appreciate it..honestly..*big hug* to everyone..*smoochiez*

ain't mine anymore..

he feels numb towards me..i shud call him a jerk..he totally deserves it..

he doesn't wanna talk abt it..coz his mind is not here..but until when?

can't believe i'm holding on to something that's not mine anymore..

i'm hanging..

why is he holding back? wat's holding him back?

he's cruel..how can he do this to me?!

he noes he's hurting me..yet..

i'm falling..i'm breaking..

can you tell me why you're doing this to me?!

it felt like we were just frenz when i met him tt day..

as soon as i saw him, tears were welling up..

why? why? why?

the truth...

So here we are
We are alone
There's weight on your mind
I wanna know
The truth
If this is how you feel
Say it to me
If this was ever real

I want the truth
From you
Give me the truth
Even if it hurts me
I want the truth
From you
Give me the truth
Even if it hurts me

So this is you
You talking to me
You found a million ways to let me down
So I'm not hurt when you're not around
I was blind
But now I see
This is how you feel
Say it to me
If this was ever real

I know that this will break me
I know that this might make me cry
You gotta say what's on your mind, on your mind
I know that this will hurt me
And break my heart and soul inside
But I don't wanna live this life

wateva!

seriously, i wish i can just get it out from you..fine..if you know that you're no making any effort, so be it..if you dun wanna stay, tell me straight..i haf other things to worry abt..like my exams..so stop being the selfish bastard that you call yourself to be and for once, spare a tot for me..yes, you mite be sick and tired of resolving things in your past relationships..but that's in your past..that doesn't concern me at all..dun you think it's unfair? just bcz previously, you've done a lot, you're not doing anything now? yes, i mite not be saying it out straight to you..instead leaving you hints thru my msn nick..thru my friendster updates..coz why? i'm not prepared yet..you haf that surgery thing and i tot tt maybe i'd be of some help..i just wanted you to be aware..n i'm too preoccupied preparing for my prelims to talk to you abt it..coz everytime, we talk, you're too tired and wat not..yes, it's not as if you intentionally bcum tired..but it's so hard to get hold of you..u can't even spare me 5 minuted of your time? am i not part of your life anymore? it seems tt way huh? then, wat's the pt of staying? i dun wanna be holding on to something tt not's there or not already mine to begin with..you yourself saif that it's not gg anywhere..AARGH!!!!! be nicer when you talk..yes, i noe tt you mite not be happy and wat not, but..oh well..i can't seem to find the words to say anymore..we're drifting do you know tt? i give up..i dunno wat to do..you're not even thinking so you're leaving me on my own to think of a way out..oh thx yeah..

i'm dying..!!

i'm confused..dunno why!

n i'm tired..tired of everything..

"i'm the mess you chose, the closet you can't close"..interpretation anyone?

grrr..

meeting him later today in town..

sanah says my blog entries on friendster very the blatant..but he neva say anything eh..oh well..

i'm easily annoyed and irritated nowadays..dunno why..

oh well..couldn't sleep last nite..woke up super early..

i left the pic tt i took with him on the My Doc folder in my sis comp..i'm sooooo dead..

insecure..

i'm feeling insecure..super insecure..i don't know why..he talks to me abt other girls..i don't know whether it means anything..

1) a girl that's like hardcore metal fanatic came up to him during lunch and talked to him. asked him abt the t-shirt that he was wearing etc.
his response => "too bad she has piercinga everywhere..if not, i'd really find her hot..i would like to talk to her someday and find out how fierce she can be.."

2) he got to know this portugese+british+javanese mix gurl that was involved in the fashion show or modelling thingy in his sch..but she's malay tho..
his response=> "yeah, she's pretty..and nobody would even think that she's malay..very fair and pretty gurl she is.."

so wat am i supposed to say you tell me? a part of me feels that at least i know rather than he do things behind my back. but the things that he said..hello mister, you're attached! he doesn't wanna noe abt my guy FRENZ and he's telling me abt girls that he barely knew!

why am i feeling this way?

i just realised that we're really from two diff background..and this always had to happen to me rite..afiq then, and now him..somebody please help me!!!!!

i wish..

-you would confide in me
-i know wat you're thinking
-i noe wat you want exactly out of me
-you could stop distancing yourself away from me



i just wish that things will be just like the old days..

i miss you..

i wish you knew..

=ngek=

uh-huh..din meet up with him..but then..izzit my fault? oh well..i dun noe..i dun care..i can't be bothered..i dunno why..i'm just like, resigned to my fate or something..not being bothered..oh well, but he did msg me yesterday..ngek..

n his friendster photos..oh well..wateva..

im running away from home people! unexpected.yeah..i noe..but wat to do rite..

hehe..nolah..i moving in to my sis' place for the week..my dad outstation rite..i said it before..yupz..

so drained..just feel like letting go everything..

=no comments=

hmm..my dad's gg off tml..outstation..for the first time seh..and my ma's following..the woman behind all his success..hehe..admire them so much..as in, everywhere they go, always together..hmmm..not bad..love you mum n dad! and tt means i haf to slp over at kak ninin's hse from tml onwards..packing my bag tonight..so gg to sch tml with like super humongous bags that kind..so the leceh..go sch from sengkang eh..geez..tt's something new..hmm..staying there all the way until next week..dunno wen they coming back..dunno where they gg..i'm such an ignorant kid..*nods head*

today's my 2nd mth anniversary..not even sure whether will be able to meet up with him or not..haiz..

"nitez..hapi ani..alto its not reli a happy 1.." evaluation anyone?

got to check cca record today during assembly..you know all the pearls stuff and all..after so many years(hehe.), nothing i did in mlcs is like taken note of lah..nothing eh inside..goodness..haiz~ cikgu ah..really you know..tsk tsk..grr..

my limit is getting lower and lower by the day...tend to get annoyed and irritated by the slightest things..haiz~

prelims is next week!!! goodness gracious..

i'm hungry..=(

ramly's burger yest was..hmm..a bit bleaghx? yupz..

describes the situation well?

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you say, do you say what you mean?
I want our love to last forever
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

.:: thoughts ::.

i really dunno..tml's our 2nd month anniversary..are we even celebrating it? only he knows..how i wish he wud say something..shud i do something for tml? i'm not sure..

i'm feeling guilty..i shouldn't be doing things that i shouldn't be doing..haiz~

my house stinks! of jackfruit..yikes! headache man..

prelims 7 days to go..and counting..am i prepared? you think eh..

bad start to the day today..woke up late..left the house..was super close to cabbing to sch..but wait till money falls from the sky..then we think..

will he msg or call me if i dun? i wonder..din wish him good morning..let's see how the day go..